I know I must be saved

I know I must be saved because today I had the opportunity to block a blessing from a former friend of mine, but, I took the high road and in fact, may have helped her in the process. It always baffles me how people can be rude and vicious to people they once called a friend, but, I never want to be that person. I know that God is working some stuff out in my life and tearing someone else down is not right and might block my own blessings.

So, I hope it all works out for her. I hope she has a nice life...I'll never be her friend again, but, I will rejoice in the blessings of my neighbor because that means there are some blessings out there for me as well!

Page 2 of 365

So, I was tweeting this morning and noticed that the trending topic was Page 2 of 365. It was in reference to today being the second day of the year. I feel very good about the direction that my year is headed in. 2011 was a tough year for me. I have struggled financially by losing additional income in the form of a second job, a full-paying roommate and a number of perks that I underestimated from my previous job. It's been really tough...in fact, throughout the year, paying my tuition for my masters program has been a huge financial burden...but, I have hung on by a thread living like most Americans from paycheck to paycheck. I don't have an additional income, so, the only person that I have had to depend on has been me and I am very proud that I have been able to stay afloat. But...there is good news.

In May 2012, God-willing, I will finally walk across the stage and have a degree from the Ivy League of the South - Rice University and I recently accepted a new position that will increase my annual salary by a whopping $23,000 a year. I have been feeling very blessed. God has been good to me. Yesterday, I hosted a New Year's dinner at my home for family and friends and while I haven't started the new job yet (start date is Jan. 9), I didn't have a lot of extra money to spend on the party...I think it turned out quite nice. Did I mention that my new boyfriend was there? He's awesome and I am praying that he is my future husband, well, that is if it is God's will. I have never been the woman that had a set time frame for marriage, children, etc. In fact, I feel like when you rush into those life moments that it often becomes difficult to just live ...so many times, I see with many of my friends that they rush God's plan. I want to be in the moment and live the life that God has set out for me and I know that I can never go wrong.

I had an awesome New Year as well. I started out the night with church and from there went to a college friend's house party. I have to admit that it was the best New Year that I have had in a while. So, cheers to Day 2 and better days in 2012. God Bless!

I'll be 29 this week

It's crazy to think that I will be 29 this week. This path that I have been on has really been something. I can't say that I am exactly where I thought I would be at 29...but, I do believe that I am walking according to God's plan for me. I've recently been getting back involved in church and have began to revisit my own spirituality and it has really gave me some additional strength that I didn't know I had.

Over the past couple of months, I have been faced with layoffs at my current job...which for a girl like me in a one income household has been scary. I embarked upon this journey and began a job search and am now proud to say that I am in the running for seven positions and will likely receive a job offer tomorrow for my number one choice. I have done countless phone screens and 5 in person interviews. My top pick (that I am expecting an offer from tomorrow) told me that they broke the candidates down from 16 to 3. I was very impressed. I also think I nailed the second interview and I know they were checking me out on Friday and calling all of my references. Today in church, the sermon was about faith and I definitely have faith that this new job will come through. I already feel very blessed that in this economy, I have had the luck that I have had in securing interviews. Oh, and...did I mention that this job would result in a 12 to 16k raise? I know that I am walking in favor.

So, while changing jobs is always scary...I am hopeful that this will be my last move for quite some time. So, now an update on the personal life...well, I had been dating this guy that I thought was very much so my ideal guy. I really thought I had struck gold...well, especially since he found me on Facebook...so, he essentially had just fallen into my lap. Well, lately...he is seeming more like fool's gold than anything else! Thus, my date for my birthday is my daddy and his fiance. I could be sad about that...but, I am just happy that someone cares enough about me to want to spend my special day with me...besides, next year is the big 30...so, that's when I will pull out all the stops!

My Crazy Life

I know that if I were not a praying woman, I would be a basket case by now! I have had so much go on in the past couple of weeks...in fact, enough to make anyone crazy. To start, my job is doing massive layoffs, including asking some people to go to part time and some to take pay cuts. I haven't been asked anything yet, but, all of the changes have definitely made me nervous.

On top of that, my great grandmother, the woman who raised my father and really the only member of my father's family that I know went to be with the Lord the week before last. We buried her this past Saturday and it was tough seeing my Dad grieve the lost of the only person he knew as his mother.

I've had some interesting dating scenarios....in that recently, I found out that one of the guys I was dating was *gasp* married. Can you believe that mess? A lot of the things that he was saying didn't seem to add up and I straight out asked him what he was hiding but he continued to lie...so, since I have a background in news...I used my little investigative skills and ran his car plates. The plates came back to the name of his wife. I then ran her name in our local clerk's database of marriage records and his name came back...but, get this, the fool even lied to me about his last name...ugh. So, of course he has been begging to get back in...so, I told his ass flat out...look, I am 28 and I am not trying to be anyone's mistress. I want my own husband, not somebody else's. He's such a jerk...the next time he calls or texts me, I think I am going to take my girlfriend Stephanie's advice and threaten to tell his wife if he doesn't stop. lol.

So...I officially have the worst taste in men...now, I remember why I hated dating. But, there have been some positives. I went on a date recently with a Nigerian man that I met at a friend's birthday party and a lot about him seems promising. He is a software engineer, who received his undergraduate degree and first graduate degree in engineering and he will finish up his MBA this May. We will be graduates at the same time! And...he even owns his own home...I like him a lot...in fact, I even find myself imitating his accent. My friend Stephanie makes jokes about it...lol. I think that dating him for the past couple of weeks has really shown me that I need a man that caters to me and that really puts forth an effort to be with me....one that goes the extra mile and he has really been making the effort to do that...so, we will see.

Another positive is that I joined a church. It has been a couple of years since I have officially been a member of any church...so, I am happy to say, that now, I have decided to plant roots somewhere and begin to rebuild my relationship with God...I can think of no better time to be in church than this time, especially given some of the uncertainty in my life right now...So, that's the latest...

Guarded while dating

So...I am so much better than I was when I last wrote a post. I feel good about being single and I have definitely been enjoying it. I am dating about four different guys right now, all of whom, have great potential. So, we will see. Yesterday, I had lunch with one guy and dinner with the other...So, here's their breakdown.

Guy #1

He is a super attractive Marketing Coordinator for a local company. He attended the same high school as me, but he was a senior when I was a freshman, so we didn't talk all that much. He also attended a college near my alma mater. And...he owns his own home and is an Alpha...which I totally love.

Guy #2

Works for a big oil and gas company and has worked in the industry for more than 10 years. He's about 10 years older than me. He's attractive, sweet and also owns his own home and he has a beauty supply business.

Guy #3

Is an accountant, fairly attractive...another man with his own home...has a video production side business. No kids. Never been married. He's also about 10 years older.

Guy #4

Manages a local restaurant. He's super attractive. Has a daughter that he is raising alone. Attended college in Louisiana and has the best sense of humor around.

So, all in all. I am definitely staying busy. I was told last night by one of the guys that he can tell I am guarded. I thought I was doing a really good job of hiding it...but, apparently not...I am willing to date, but, my wounds are still fresh from the ex...so, any man that I date has to just understand that I have this huge protective barrier around my heart and it's not going anywhere anytime soon. But, I must say, single is looking better and better every single day.

On another note, I am starting school back today! This is my last year of my 4-year masters program. I am so excited for graduation in May 2012. I can't wait until it is finally time to celebrate me. I always find myself celebrating other folks. I have been to so many birthday parties, baby showers, engagement gatherings and weddings for other people that it is now time to celebrate me. Now...it's time for me. I cannot wait...absolutely ecstatic.

Not feeling right

A friend of mine told me yesterday that I might be depressed. You know, I have never thought of myself as the depressed type. Hell, most of the time...I find myself happy even in the midst of some crazy situations. But, lately, I have felt something not quite right within me. I have been struggling at work....tasks that normally take a few minutes, can take me a few days at this point. And, I am getting more and more frustrated about working for a non-profit. While it is rewarding, the benefits aren't great at all and I really don't like any of my coworkers. There were many more benefits to working in for-profit. My mom has been urging me to search for a new job. But, I am trying to at least hold on until I finish my Master's degree in May 2012. I am soo close. I actually make a year today at my current job and I happily submitted my tuition reimbursement. I found out after I accepted this job that tuition reimbursement does not kick in until a year after you have been employed. I will definitely ask for copies of policies and everything in writing the next time I am evaluating a job offer.

So...I am not quite sure what is wrong with me...I hope I am not depressed. I hope it's not that I am missing Joe...I hope it's not something deeper. On a brighter note, I found a church home...I am so excited that I found somewhere that I want to be...hopefully now, I can begin to rebuild what was broken inside of me as it relates to the church...so, enough of my random thoughts. That is all!

I am angry...not proud of it, but I am dammit!

I can't help it. As much as I try not to be...as much as I go out, try to have fun, put on my happy face, buy new outfits and get my hair done...I am still angry at him. So, my ex does not like for anyone to hate him and he has done everything possible to make sure that we remain friends post-break up, but, while I have moments when I think I can be his friend and I can be okay with how all of this transpired...I can't be. I think he is a selfish fuckin' idiot (shout out to Steph for our new catch phrase)...he makes me sick... sick to my stomach. I am the typical angry black woman and I have no problem admitting it. I am working on me right now, by finding time to workout, making sure I eat right and trying my best to ensure that I am in top shape condition for the next guy that I will get that will actually deserve me.

He didn't. End of story. He didn't realize what he had...and what's more is that I know that someday he will. When I tell people that we broke up everyone starts off shocked, then they quickly follow up with ...he will never do better than you...yep. He won't. Idiot. And, I will say that I have learned a lot from our relationship. I have learned that you can't compromise on the non-negotiables...for example, if he lives with his parents, I am running. If he has no drive and prefers to play basketball than work, I am running. If he isn't in school or doing something to better himself, I am running...Running like the mo' fo' wind... out of that piece. Mostly because...I deserve better. In May 2012, I will have two degrees. I have a career, a home, can cook and am excellent in bed (had to throw that in)...so any idiot that doesn't realize that shit can kick rocks!