Dreamchaser

I know I must be saved

2012-01-05T09:15:00.001-08:00

I know I must be saved because today I had the opportunity to block a blessing from a former friend of mine, but, I took the high road and in fact, may have helped her in the process. It always baffles me how people can be rude and vicious to people they once called a friend, but, I never want to be that person. I know that God is working some stuff out in my life and tearing someone else down is not right and might block my own blessings.

So, I hope it all works out for her. I hope she has a nice life...I'll never be her friend again, but, I will rejoice in the blessings of my neighbor because that means there are some blessings out there for me as well!

Page 2 of 365

2012-01-02T01:54:00.000-08:00

So, I was tweeting this morning and noticed that the trending topic was Page 2 of 365. It was in reference to today being the second day of the year. I feel very good about the direction that my year is headed in. 2011 was a tough year for me. I have struggled financially by losing additional income in the form of a second job, a full-paying roommate and a number of perks that I underestimated from my previous job. It's been really tough...in fact, throughout the year, paying my tuition for my masters program has been a huge financial burden...but, I have hung on by a thread living like most Americans from paycheck to paycheck. I don't have an additional income, so, the only person that I have had to depend on has been me and I am very proud that I have been able to stay afloat. But...there is good news.

In May 2012, God-willing, I will finally walk across the stage and have a degree from the Ivy League of the South - Rice University and I recently accepted a new position that will increase my annual salary by a whopping $23,000 a year. I have been feeling very blessed. God has been good to me. Yesterday, I hosted a New Year's dinner at my home for family and friends and while I haven't started the new job yet (start date is Jan. 9), I didn't have a lot of extra money to spend on the party...I think it turned out quite nice. Did I mention that my new boyfriend was there? He's awesome and I am praying that he is my future husband, well, that is if it is God's will. I have never been the woman that had a set time frame for marriage, children, etc. In fact, I feel like when you rush into those life moments that it often becomes difficult to just live ...so many times, I see with many of my friends that they rush God's plan. I want to be in the moment and live the life that God has set out for me and I know that I can never go wrong.

I had an awesome New Year as well. I started out the night with church and from there went to a college friend's house party. I have to admit that it was the best New Year that I have had in a while. So, cheers to Day 2 and better days in 2012. God Bless!

I'll be 29 this week

2011-12-11T19:52:00.000-08:00

It's crazy to think that I will be 29 this week. This path that I have been on has really been something. I can't say that I am exactly where I thought I would be at 29...but, I do believe that I am walking according to God's plan for me. I've recently been getting back involved in church and have began to revisit my own spirituality and it has really gave me some additional strength that I didn't know I had.

Over the past couple of months, I have been faced with layoffs at my current job...which for a girl like me in a one income household has been scary. I embarked upon this journey and began a job search and am now proud to say that I am in the running for seven positions and will likely receive a job offer tomorrow for my number one choice. I have done countless phone screens and 5 in person interviews. My top pick (that I am expecting an offer from tomorrow) told me that they broke the candidates down from 16 to 3. I was very impressed. I also think I nailed the second interview and I know they were checking me out on Friday and calling all of my references. Today in church, the sermon was about faith and I definitely have faith that this new job will come through. I already feel very blessed that in this economy, I have had the luck that I have had in securing interviews. Oh, and...did I mention that this job would result in a 12 to 16k raise? I know that I am walking in favor.

So, while changing jobs is always scary...I am hopeful that this will be my last move for quite some time. So, now an update on the personal life...well, I had been dating this guy that I thought was very much so my ideal guy. I really thought I had struck gold...well, especially since he found me on Facebook...so, he essentially had just fallen into my lap. Well, lately...he is seeming more like fool's gold than anything else! Thus, my date for my birthday is my daddy and his fiance. I could be sad about that...but, I am just happy that someone cares enough about me to want to spend my special day with me...besides, next year is the big 30...so, that's when I will pull out all the stops!

My Crazy Life

2011-10-11T06:19:00.000-07:00

I know that if I were not a praying woman, I would be a basket case by now! I have had so much go on in the past couple of weeks...in fact, enough to make anyone crazy. To start, my job is doing massive layoffs, including asking some people to go to part time and some to take pay cuts. I haven't been asked anything yet, but, all of the changes have definitely made me nervous.

On top of that, my great grandmother, the woman who raised my father and really the only member of my father's family that I know went to be with the Lord the week before last. We buried her this past Saturday and it was tough seeing my Dad grieve the lost of the only person he knew as his mother.

I've had some interesting dating scenarios....in that recently, I found out that one of the guys I was dating was *gasp* married. Can you believe that mess? A lot of the things that he was saying didn't seem to add up and I straight out asked him what he was hiding but he continued to lie...so, since I have a background in news...I used my little investigative skills and ran his car plates. The plates came back to the name of his wife. I then ran her name in our local clerk's database of marriage records and his name came back...but, get this, the fool even lied to me about his last name...ugh. So, of course he has been begging to get back in...so, I told his ass flat out...look, I am 28 and I am not trying to be anyone's mistress. I want my own husband, not somebody else's. He's such a jerk...the next time he calls or texts me, I think I am going to take my girlfriend Stephanie's advice and threaten to tell his wife if he doesn't stop. lol.

So...I officially have the worst taste in men...now, I remember why I hated dating. But, there have been some positives. I went on a date recently with a Nigerian man that I met at a friend's birthday party and a lot about him seems promising. He is a software engineer, who received his undergraduate degree and first graduate degree in engineering and he will finish up his MBA this May. We will be graduates at the same time! And...he even owns his own home...I like him a lot...in fact, I even find myself imitating his accent. My friend Stephanie makes jokes about it...lol. I think that dating him for the past couple of weeks has really shown me that I need a man that caters to me and that really puts forth an effort to be with me....one that goes the extra mile and he has really been making the effort to do that...so, we will see.

Another positive is that I joined a church. It has been a couple of years since I have officially been a member of any church...so, I am happy to say, that now, I have decided to plant roots somewhere and begin to rebuild my relationship with God...I can think of no better time to be in church than this time, especially given some of the uncertainty in my life right now...So, that's the latest...

Guarded while dating

2011-09-07T08:49:00.001-07:00

So...I am so much better than I was when I last wrote a post. I feel good about being single and I have definitely been enjoying it. I am dating about four different guys right now, all of whom, have great potential. So, we will see. Yesterday, I had lunch with one guy and dinner with the other...So, here's their breakdown.

Guy #1

He is a super attractive Marketing Coordinator for a local company. He attended the same high school as me, but he was a senior when I was a freshman, so we didn't talk all that much. He also attended a college near my alma mater. And...he owns his own home and is an Alpha...which I totally love.

Guy #2

Works for a big oil and gas company and has worked in the industry for more than 10 years. He's about 10 years older than me. He's attractive, sweet and also owns his own home and he has a beauty supply business.

Guy #3

Is an accountant, fairly attractive...another man with his own home...has a video production side business. No kids. Never been married. He's also about 10 years older.

Guy #4

Manages a local restaurant. He's super attractive. Has a daughter that he is raising alone. Attended college in Louisiana and has the best sense of humor around.

So, all in all. I am definitely staying busy. I was told last night by one of the guys that he can tell I am guarded. I thought I was doing a really good job of hiding it...but, apparently not...I am willing to date, but, my wounds are still fresh from the ex...so, any man that I date has to just understand that I have this huge protective barrier around my heart and it's not going anywhere anytime soon. But, I must say, single is looking better and better every single day.

On another note, I am starting school back today! This is my last year of my 4-year masters program. I am so excited for graduation in May 2012. I can't wait until it is finally time to celebrate me. I always find myself celebrating other folks. I have been to so many birthday parties, baby showers, engagement gatherings and weddings for other people that it is now time to celebrate me. Now...it's time for me. I cannot wait...absolutely ecstatic.

Not feeling right

2011-08-23T08:27:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine told me yesterday that I might be depressed. You know, I have never thought of myself as the depressed type. Hell, most of the time...I find myself happy even in the midst of some crazy situations. But, lately, I have felt something not quite right within me. I have been struggling at work....tasks that normally take a few minutes, can take me a few days at this point. And, I am getting more and more frustrated about working for a non-profit. While it is rewarding, the benefits aren't great at all and I really don't like any of my coworkers. There were many more benefits to working in for-profit. My mom has been urging me to search for a new job. But, I am trying to at least hold on until I finish my Master's degree in May 2012. I am soo close. I actually make a year today at my current job and I happily submitted my tuition reimbursement. I found out after I accepted this job that tuition reimbursement does not kick in until a year after you have been employed. I will definitely ask for copies of policies and everything in writing the next time I am evaluating a job offer.

So...I am not quite sure what is wrong with me...I hope I am not depressed. I hope it's not that I am missing Joe...I hope it's not something deeper. On a brighter note, I found a church home...I am so excited that I found somewhere that I want to be...hopefully now, I can begin to rebuild what was broken inside of me as it relates to the church...so, enough of my random thoughts. That is all!

I am angry...not proud of it, but I am dammit!

2011-08-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

I can't help it. As much as I try not to be...as much as I go out, try to have fun, put on my happy face, buy new outfits and get my hair done...I am still angry at him. So, my ex does not like for anyone to hate him and he has done everything possible to make sure that we remain friends post-break up, but, while I have moments when I think I can be his friend and I can be okay with how all of this transpired...I can't be. I think he is a selfish fuckin' idiot (shout out to Steph for our new catch phrase)...he makes me sick... sick to my stomach. I am the typical angry black woman and I have no problem admitting it. I am working on me right now, by finding time to workout, making sure I eat right and trying my best to ensure that I am in top shape condition for the next guy that I will get that will actually deserve me.

He didn't. End of story. He didn't realize what he had...and what's more is that I know that someday he will. When I tell people that we broke up everyone starts off shocked, then they quickly follow up with ...he will never do better than you...yep. He won't. Idiot. And, I will say that I have learned a lot from our relationship. I have learned that you can't compromise on the non-negotiables...for example, if he lives with his parents, I am running. If he has no drive and prefers to play basketball than work, I am running. If he isn't in school or doing something to better himself, I am running...Running like the mo' fo' wind... out of that piece. Mostly because...I deserve better. In May 2012, I will have two degrees. I have a career, a home, can cook and am excellent in bed (had to throw that in)...so any idiot that doesn't realize that shit can kick rocks!

Random Musings

2011-07-21T07:08:00.000-07:00

There's a couple of reasons why I don't listen to other women when it comes to relationships, but here are my top 3 reasons.

1. No one knows what's better for me in my relationship than me.

2. It's really not anyone else's business.

3. I really just don't give a fuck what anyone else has to say.

Just my thoughts. #thatisall

Sad. Hurt. Confused.

2011-07-20T06:36:00.001-07:00

I feel like a bus hit me. I feel sad and it's difficult to eat. I hadn't wanted to put words to my emotions, but, sometimes that's just what one needs to clear their head and begin the healing process. I have dated my boyfriend for a year. It took probably a couple of months for me to let my guard down and open my heart to him and from there the love grew.

I never thought that a year later, I would be sitting here wondering what happened to our relationship. I find myself hoping that he will call, that he will miss me as much as I miss him and wondering if he ever really loved me. My family wasn't his biggest fan, so, there is certainly no sympathy there from them. But, it's most difficult to face the sadness that ensues when you have to pick up the pieces of a relationship lost.

I've had ex-boyfriends call and a few good friends check up on me...but, in the end, the only person that I want to call...to care...has not. We mutually decided to end the relationship...but, it certainly was not my preference. But, he was sure about one thing...that he was unsure about our relationship...so, how does one continue with someone who doesn't see the need to fight...to stick it out. We've had some arguments, had some disagreements, but never anything at this level. Many of my friends have told me that it's early and we may work it out. I'd like to say that I am hopeful that it will, but, I can't sit around waiting and certainly not sit around crying over spilled milk. How did I get here? I'm not sure that I want to feel this pain again or go here again. I am convinced that once you let your guard down, it's almost certain that pain will follow. #thediaryofasadblackwomen following yet another failed relationship.

Next step?

2011-07-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

So, the boyfriend was over my house the other night and as he was about to leave, I put one on him...gasp. I gave him a key to my house. My boyfriend moves slow as molasses when it comes to our relationship, but, I couldn't help but think that the key was a BIG step, especially for him. I love him so much and if he asked me to marry him today, I would say yes. Sure, we have some financial hurdles we would have to overcome and he HAS to finish school so he can get a better job. But, I can't help but want him to speed this whole process up. But, I'm holding on...lol. One of my high school friends recently got engaged after 6 months. Joe and I have been dating a year. And, while every relationship is different...it certainly makes a girl think. It's hard when you know you love someone, you know you want to be with them and all you want is for them to take that jump. Just random musings from the mind of Sparkle.

I love my man!

2011-06-23T06:27:00.000-07:00

So, we had a little disagreement last night and I woke up this morning to this poem: Roses are red and violets are blue. Lately we been disagreeing a lot, but I still love you...and though I don't admit it, I think about you all the while. The way you talk, the way you laugh and your lovely smile. Our love is rare and truely one of a kind. And even though you have your doubts, I think we'll stand the test of time. Our love runs deep into the depths of our souls, It comforts us and it warms our hearts when everything around us gets cold. So, stop worrying so much and know that I got you boo. Miss Sparkle T, I'm so in love with you. I can't say what the future has in store for us but right here and now, I know that I can't imagine my life without you in it and my plans for the future include you and me.

I don't get women!

2011-05-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

I really don't get women. So many of us say that we want everything out of life. We want the good job, the family, husband, kids, money, and the house on top of the hill. At least that's what we say. But, is that really what we want? I know that is the case for me. I want it all and dammit, I can have it all and will not stop until I get it.

But, there is this lady at my current office who just came back off maternity leave and cried the entire day because she she just wants to be a stay-at-home mom. She says she and her husband can afford for her to stay at home, but, it would be much tighter without her income. So, she said that she was going home last night to put together a spreadsheet detailing their finances to show him that she could stay home. I don't get it all. Now, I am not saying that there is something wrong with being a stay-at-home mom...but, that's just never been my dream.

After all of the drama with the coworker, I called my mom and asked her if she had any first-day-away-from-baby-anxiety and she said she didn't. I imagine that is how I will be. I don't see myself weeping or dying to be at home to raise my children. While I will love them and be a fabulous mom, I still believe that I can do both. I can have the career that I dream of and a great home life without giving up on the one.

I am not sure why women who sacrifice their own dreams and ambitions to raise their children gets under my skin so much...I guess it just goes back to the days when women were to be seen and not heard and our biggest priorities were getting a hot meal on the table before the hubby got home. Well, I'm sorry...I will not settle for that. This is not the 1950s and dammit, I won't be baking no damn cookies. I am so exhausted with seeing this happen to women who are the same age as me...they have a baby and completely let go of any ambition they had before. It just makes me sad to think what they could have been.

Now my disclaimer: I am single with no kids, so maybe I just don't get it yet...I doubt it...but, maybe!

Zoo Date

2011-04-10T05:05:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend and I had the most awesome zoo date yesterday. I had been bugging him for months to take me to the zoo and he finally did. He actually ended the date by saying it was one of the best we ever had and I have to agree! We rode the train around the zoo and Hermann Park and we started the day by enjoying pedal boats and my boyfriend being the competitive man that he is had to out pedal me. I eventually let him pedal alone while I enjoyed the ride. :) We also saw every animal in the zoo and walked every stretch. I was so sweaty and exhausted by the end of the day, but spending quality time with my honey was well worth it! We stopped at the end of the day and sat on the hill at Miller Outdoor Theater and smooched and said I love you! Next date: Galveston beaches! I have the best boyfriend ever!

I'm in such a good mood today!

2011-03-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

I feel like singing...hell, I can't stop smiling. I had such a great night last night with my honey. He took me to dinner, wined and dined me and then we came back home and had some great quality time. I love him so much. He tells me all the time that he is lucky to have me...but, I think that I am the lucky one. I have never had a man treat me the way he does, care for me or take care of me the way he does. He tells me all these stories about the type of guy that he used to be when dating other women...you know the guy - not willing to commit, dating multiple women, partying every night, etc. The funny thing is that I don't know that guy. He has never been that way with me! He is the love of my life. And...I am excited because I am officially a week away from Vegas baby! I told my honey last night..."What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." He was like um, you can't live by those words. I laughed...I am sure I will be on my best behavior! Can't mess up a good thing! :)

I'm good right where I am

2011-03-13T13:40:00.000-07:00

You know...I used to think that my life had certain timelines that I had to adhere to. I wanted to have a house by 25, meet my dream guy by 26, be married by 30, have kids by 35, finish my master's by 30 and have a high-powered job at a Fortune 500 company by 40. But, you know what I have come to realize is that those self-imposed timelines serve to do nothing more than make me crazy. I have to let them go and live my life. Everything that I want will happen when it's supposed to happen.

So, you know...I am good right where I am. I am a 28-year-old homeowner who is soon to have a masters degree and when the time is right, I will get married. My dream guy didn't necessarily come in the package I imagined, but, each day I spend with him, each moment he holds me or tells me that he loves me...I know it is right. He is right for me...and I know, he's not quite ready for marriage and while I have no intention of waiting on him forever, I will wait - patiently.

We talk about it, the lines of communication are open and I won't put any undue pressure on him because of my unrealistic self-imposed timelines. Hell, I love him and it has been a very long time since I have been able to say that I love a man...so, I am enjoying the moment and the journey. So often, we as women, get obssessed with our life moving the way we want it to and in the timeline that we outlined, that we forget that it's not up to us. So, I think we could all stand to just sit back, let go and let God. It's funny, my boyfriend said something to me like that the other day and it seemed to be just what I needed to hear at that moment. My honey never ceases to amaze me with his wisdom.

Life is really good for me right now. I am happy. As overworked as I am...working for a non-profit has been one of the most rewarding experiences that I have ever had. I have learned to be creative, resourceful and work at a pace I never imagined that I could. In the process of falling in love, I lost some friends along the way...and that's sad, but, I have come to terms with it...my true friends will always be here and they will be happy for me as I take this journey and for every milestone...because that is what REAL friends do. In fact, in a couple of weeks, I will be headed to Vegas with a real friend - my Line Sister Amy. I am so excited, I can't wait to paint the town PINK! We're going to have a blast!

Wow! It's March

2011-03-09T18:02:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it is already March...that's crazy. My life has been really hectic. My job has completely taken over my life. I work almost every minute of the day, dream about work, and stay at the office much longer than any normal person should...so, by the time I am done working (did I mention that I still have the part time job?), I just want to spend time with my favorite guy...so, sorry I haven't updated you all lately. I will be sure and write a nice, long post about how great my life is this weekend and how awesome it is to be me! lol!

Everyone is not going to be happy for you

2010-12-30T08:32:00.001-08:00

"Everyone is not going to be happy for you.'' These were the words that came out of my boyfriend's mouth yesterday and in that moment, I realized that he was right. After celebrating the Christmas holiday with my honey, I was floating on cloud 9. The morning started off with him calling me to tell me Merry Christmas. Later that morning, he came over and greeted me with a big hug and lots of kisses as we exchanged gifts.

For weeks, he has been telling me that he was buying me pots after I told him gifts should be something that the person needs. So, the pots thing was kind of our running joke! So, he says, "Are you ready for those pots, " and hands me two boxes and a bag and I give him his gifts. I ask who should go first and I end up opening first. He bought me two beautiful sweaters (that I have already worn multiple times) and a teddy bear and candy. Apparently, my honey is making it a holiday tradition to buy me teddy bears. I thought it was too sweet. Now, I have three bears from him. I feel like a little girl again.

Then, he opened his gifts. I bought him a wallet (which he desperately needed) and a polo shirt. Additionally, I made him a scrapbook with photos from the beginning of our relationship until present and I made him little "coupons" for dinner, hugs, kisses, etc. that he can use year-round. It was awesome! He seemed to really love all of my gifts.

From there, we went to his family's house and had linner...lol. It was in between lunch and dinner time! His family is very traditional, so, we sat around the table all together and ate and were served rolls by his niece. It was hilarious because his sister's boyfriend and I were clearly very hungry and we kept sneaking food before they said grace. Then, we went to my family's house and had drinks and laughed with all three of my brothers, their kids, friends and significant others.

It was awesome. After all of that, my family decided to do a little visiting, so, my honey and I went as well! We visited three homes of family and friends and ended up at a local bar. My oldest brother and the boyfriend hit it off! I kept telling them that they had a bromance going on! LMAO...so, all in all, a great day!

Now, to what happened yesterday that convinced me everyone isn't going to be happy for me. I usually post a lot of stuff about my honey on Facebook. Including pics, status updates, etc. and yesterday, I received two nasty responses to one of my status updates from two women that I thought were my friends. It really hurt my heart, because if no one was happy for my relationship, for me being in love, I would think it would be my friends. But, it's a lesson learned. Everyone isn't happy for me and my line sister told me this morning that sometimes when things aren't going great in your own life, you become very sensitive to stuff like that. I thought about the two women who decided to spit the venom and realized that they aren't doing that great in their own personal lives and I could see how they could not be happy for me. One of them has a husband who recently committed suicide and the other has a relationship with a man that she often complains about. So, I guess I should consider the sources. But, I am going to be happy anyway and stay blessed in 2011. I am looking forward to the new year and I will continue to spread my happiness globally on this blog and on my new social media venue...Twitter. I think I need a Facebook break! Brouhaha!

My boyfriend rocks!

2010-12-18T12:55:00.000-08:00

My new thing to say is that so and so rocks! I am not quite sure where I got that from, but, that's neither here nor there because...My boyfriend rocks.

Yesterday was my birthday and for the past five years or so, I have had one disappointing birthday after another disappointing birthday! But, finally, this birthday was different. My honey did a wonderful job! He had to work at 2pm. So, we decided that we would celebrate early. So, he picked me up and gave me my gift - a nice bracelet (that I ended up taking back because it wasn't exactly my style and exchanging for a Betsey Johnson watch that I have wanted for months and a sterling silver bracelet)! Although the bracelet wasn't exactly me, I knew he put a lot of thought and effort into selecting the gift, which made me really happy. Then, he took me to the Build A Bear Workshop! We built a special bear that I named after him. He loves basketball, so, we put it in a basketball outfit and we both made wishes on the bears heart and put it inside of him. He also recoded an "I love you. Good night" message that I can play on nights that he does not sleep over. It was so touching and it really made me smile! As if the gift and the bear were not enough, he also took me to lunch at my favorite restaurant.

While we were at lunch, he spent time telling me how grateful he was to have me in his life and how good he thought our relationship was progressing. We held hands, looked into each other's eyes and really connected on a level that I don't think we have ever connected on. He is really my Christmas gift! I am so blessed to have him in my life. I have never had a man make me feel so special on my birthday! I can't stop smiling even as I think about it right now. During lunch, we even toasted to our future. I find myself going really overboard lately and thinking about what our wedding will be like, what kind of father he will be and how many kids we will have. I know...sounds completely ridiculous...but, he is so special to me! He means the world to me. One of my girlfriends told me the other day that she hopes we don't break up because she can tell that he would be very hurt if we did. I agreed with her, but, what I didn't tell her is that I would too. Hands down, I have never felt this way about a man...EVER!

The more time I spend with him, the more and more I seem to be falling in love with him! He is my own personal rock star!

The poem he wrote for me...I melted when I read this!

2010-11-27T15:09:00.000-08:00

Every day that I am not with you...I miss you more and more.
It feels like its raining outside and its beginning to pour.
That's when I close my eyes and see you. You're my sunshine.
As long as I'm with you the rainy days are far behind.
Though we are as different as light and dark. We go together like day and night.
You and me...me and you, this just feels so right.
I am glad that I found you and you say the same about me too.
But I don't know what you see in me, but I see my destiny in you.
You are as beautiful and rare as a daisy blooming in the winter time.
You are passionate, sweet, smart, sexy, truly one of a kind.
I prayed and asked God for a blessing and he sent me you.
You are a fairy tale love and also my dream come true.
You see once upon a time, there lived a boy with no plans.
Then along came Princess Sparkle, whose lovely persona changed that boy into a man.
She gave him hope and ambition and a new direction in life.
He was all alone in darkness. And Sparkle gave him a new light.
His eyes became open and a new quest for life began.
Joe and Sparkle happily ever after and that's how the fairy tale ends.
When I look at you, I see the one I adore.
When we touch it feels like heaven has opened up its doors.
When we kiss, I feel both passion and fire.
And when we make love, I feel my deepest desire.
Every time I'm with you, my heart trembles and shakes.
In you, I think I have found my soul mate.

Beautiful Saturday

2010-11-27T06:51:00.000-08:00

I am up bright and early at the part time job this Saturday. I feel really good after coming off of a great Thanksgiving. I spent the first couple of hours of the day at the boyfriend's parents house. It was nice to be included. I found out that I was the first girl he had ever had come to his parents house. I think that is amazing at 28. My parents have met so many men at this stage in my life that they only ask now, how long is this one going to last?

Anyways, his family is super nice and they made me feel really welcome. Though, I have to admit that I was sooo nervous. Although I had already met his mom and his two sisters...when you go over to a family's house for a holiday...you meet the entire family - crazy uncles, aunts, cousins, great grandmas and the whole nine...so, I was a little intimidated.

He had to go to work at 3pm...so, once we spent a couple hours at his folks,and then, he came to my parents home. My Dad has been upset with me for the past couple of weeks because he kept hearing about this guy and had never met him...so, basically, my Dad was the last one to meet my boyfriend...but, he met him and I think he actually likes him. Pretty cool. All in all, a pretty great holiday with a great man. Our next big celebration is for his birthday. I cannot wait. It's next Saturday and his parents are taking him out to dinner (with me of course) and then the two of us and some of his homeboys are going out to a club. It should be fun! And...more importantly, I will get to give him his gift...I have had it for two weeks and it has taken everything in me not to give it to him...so excited.

I waited to post this...

2010-11-20T14:00:00.000-08:00

I wanted to wait to post this...because it seems like whenever I like a guy and post about how much I like a guy...he's gone the next week. But, since we have been dating a few months now and he seems like he might actually stick around, I want to tell you all about my man. Yes, he is my man and I am in a committed relationship with him. WOW! I was very reluctant initially to start a relationship with him because he is not at the same place that I am career wise, but, against my better judgment, I started to date him - and have been falling in love with him. I started to date him mostly because he's gorgeous and I thought if nothing more, he could be a good roll in the hay...did I actually just type that? Oh well, so, I can't even begin to put into words how awesome this man makes me feel. I think there is something remarkable about a man that just wakes every bone in your body...that makes you feel things you didn't know you could feel anymore.

Last night he and I had a movie night at my place. I told him I would cook dinner...well, thanks to migrating web pages on a new web site at work, I was running extremely late and he and I arrived to my house around the same time. I had hoped to have the meal ready or at least cooking when he arrived. Now, I must tell you all that though he is wonderful in many ways, he does not cook at all. I taught him how to fry chicken a couple of weeks ago and that was HUGE for him. Anyway, he saw I was a little frazzled. He even told me I was beautiful and I know I didn't look all that beautiful as my friend lost her husband last week and she wanted to go out the night prior...so, I spent very little time getting myself together for work...anyways, he told me I was beautiful and immediately began helping me with dinner.

I made etouffee, so, I let him peel the shrimp while I started the rice and got the sauce going. He was also put on chopping duty and he did an excellent job. I poured us up some glasses of wine and played some music while we worked on dinner. Though we have gone on many dates out to basketball games, dinner, parties, clubs, etc. I think that last night was by far one of my favorite dates with him. It was so chill, relaxed and he was just happy to be with me...and he even helped cook when I know that is not his thing.

Once we got dinner together and ate and had more glasses of wine than I can remember, he put on a movie (that I fell asleep during) though it seemed like it was pretty good in the beginning. I fell asleep in his arms. I feel so secure when I am with him, so comfortable! He really is an awesome man! I am looking forward to spending the holidays and his birthday and mine together. (Dec. 4 and 17) The best is yet to come!

I don't know if I really know love

2010-10-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

You know...so, I am still dating the guy I mentioned in my earlier post and I really don't know if I know what love is or even how to love! I am crazy about this guy and what is nice is that he is feeling me just as much as I am feeling him. He lets me drag him to debate competitions, sporting events, friends and family members parties, etc.

He even showed up to a big work event that I helped to plan yesterday. I think he is nearly everything that I want in a man. But, as we were laying around talking yesterday, I thought...do I really even know how to love anymore? Do I know what it is? Or what is required. Here, I have this gorgeous man, who has taken an interest in me and who is engaging in my life and really trying to be the best boyfriend that he can. But, am I really ready for love? I don't know. Did I mention that we decided to be monogamous? It scares the hell out of me...really, ...I am scared out of my mind.

Would you date a man that was broke?

2010-10-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

Would you date a man that was broke? I am struggling with this right now. I met this guy and went on a date with him and he is the sweetest man that I have gone out with in a very long time. He has this extremely rough exterior...but, he is much softer than his exterior. He's 6'3, gorgeous eyes, beautiful lips...he is very attractive. He doesn't have kids. He and I connect really well and the conversation is great. He is a tad shy, but he says that he is more shy the more he is attracted to a woman. I guess he is really attracted to me. :)

We went to one of those dinner and movie spots last night and he was the perfect gentleman. He kept asking if I was okay, he let me choose the movie, what we ate and drank, where we sat. And...he was very careful about touching me, putting his arm around me etc. although, I was touchy with him all night, holding his hand and putting my head on his shoulder . It was nice! After we left the movies, I asked if he wanted to go back to my house to have a glass of wine. He agreed. We talked for about an hour more and he went home. So, normally, you would be able to read about how excited I am to meet him...and how I could potentially see myself with him...he is a great man, but I am not so sure he is a great man for me.

Here's the problem. He is absolutely broke...not that I am rich by any means, but he is broke for sure. He didn't finish college - he says he has about a year left and plans to go back...he just moved out of his own apartment and back with his parents and he works a security job. I was watching a television show that said you should date a man for his potential...and I so want to do that here...but, I am not sure how much potential there is. I want to pull back some more layers of him and find out more, but, I am so scared that I may fall for him and it is very important to me that any man that I am with be driven and able to provide or atleast have the potential to provide...Any advice?

Updates

2010-09-04T07:27:00.000-07:00

So, all is well with me. I have, however, still been working crazy hours. Thankfully, I did leave yesterday at 3pm. The HR Director sent out an email that said we could all leave early. So, although I was under water with work, I made it a point to leave at 3pm. So, I walked out, told everyone bye and went to get a much needed manicure and pedicure. Since I have been leaving late everyday, I have not had time to stop by the nail shop. So, I get to the nail shop, start my pedicure and then I receive a call from one of our board members...oh gee...she wants a photograph taken (and upload to Facebook) at an event the next day that I had not planned on attending.

So, I tell her that I will take care of it. I start making calls to see who is attending and who can take the photograph. I work with one of the secretaries to take care of it and I turn my phone off after that. I am so glad I made the decision to have two cell phones - one that I use for personal stuff only and the other that is used for work. Because I have been putting in such long hours, it is imperative that I have some time to myself. I need the separation of work and personal life.

OMG

2010-08-28T06:50:00.000-07:00

OMG...so much has happened since my last post. I have been so busy that I have been easily putting in 10-15 hour workdays. What can I say, the marketer in me has awaken. I have put the brand of this organization on my back and I am going to do everything in my power to build it and nurture it.

I started the new job on Monday. The first two days were spent at the corporate headquarters in Dallas. It was awesome. The building is gorgeous and the people at corporate have a way about doing business that I am going to do my darnedest to bring to the Houston office. You see, the organization just merged with the Houston office...so, there is a lot of changes happening in the Houston office. When I arrived back from corporate on Wednesday, I arrived to an office very much in disarray. We were having new phones, new faxes, new computers, etc. installed in the Houston office. There was stuff all over the place and I have to say, for a moment, I was very much intimidated by the disorganization. I also had a huge culture shock coming from the for-profit world into the non-profit world. In for-profit, we have nice fancy offices with furniture that matches and crazy expense accounts. This is so far from what you have in the non-profit world. It is exactly the opposite. The furniture is old, the building is old...hell, everything is old. So, that shocked me for sure. But, I quickly adapted and hit the ground running.

On my first day in the Houston office, I went through an orientation of some sorts, where I was shown the ropes and then...they sent me to a damn four hour training. womp womp. Long story, but, my boss in Irving/Dallas...had no idea I was going to this training because no one bothered to tell him...and of course, he had his own ideas about what I should be doing on my first day...things like...doing what I was hired to do...like market the organization.

Anyways, the HR director had organized this entire itinerary for my first couple of days in Houston without talking to my new boss. I called my boss while I was on my way to the training to let him know that I would not be in the office to work on revisions to a press release he and I discussed, but that I would be back in the evening to get those changes to him. He followed up with a call to the HR Director which I think pissed her off. Because the merge is so new...there is some tension between the agents of change (those that have been brought in from corporate...and new employees like me who report to people in corporate)...so, I am treading water lightly on balancing expectations. However, the bottom line is that my priorities have to be with those of my boss. So, we will see how my relationship with the HR Director shapes up.

The HR Director is very much resistant to change. She is one of those people who goes on and on about how things used to be and what they used to have and all I can think is that if what you used to have was so great, then, why the hell would you need a merger to save the organization?

In my first week, I wrote a media advisory, a press release, made edits to the web site, attended a board meeting and worked to assist with the organization of a media availability all while providing various edits to collateral and adjusting to using my new shiny iMac. My boss called me Friday evening to say that he is happy that I am on his team and he knows a lot of things were thrown at me this week and that I handled everything well. Before I started the job, I read all the starting a new job tips that said, come early and stay late...well, I did not have to even try to do that...because I had so much to do that the time just flew by. I even set off the alarm one morning when I came in at 630 am...I was like oh joy!

But, anyways, I am excited about this experience and this opportunity. It seems like I am a part of something that will be an awesome success story in about a year. I am happy about that and what's more is that my love and passion for all things marketing, communications, etc. has been awaken. I have a passion that I have not seen in me for quite sometime. Additionally, I enjoy being looked to for big decisions and my opinion is valued. That's what I seemed to be lacking at the old job. I could not be happier. I know I made the right decision for me.

So, last thing...while I was getting on the plane for my first day on the job in Dallas. I met an awesome man! You all know I looked stellar in the baddest suit you could imagine...just stellar...so, of course he noticed me...walked up to me and striked up a conversation. We talked while we were walking onto the plane and he sat with me (even though he had a coworker signaling for him to come sit with her). The flight is about an hour and we talked the entire time and of course at the end of the flight, he asked for my phone number and I gave it to him. So, anyways, we have been talking a lot in the past couple of days (he stayed in Dallas a few days longer than me on business) on the phone and we have a bowling/dinner date scheduled for tonight! I am trying not to be excited...but, this seems promising. He's cute, he's an accountant, owns his home, no children, and has great conversation...did I mention he is cute?! We'll see...and if it does work out, won't we have a great "how we met" story to tell?

It's almost game time!

2010-08-21T13:48:00.000-07:00

It is almost time for me to start the new j-o-b! I am sooo nervous, but also excited. I went "new job" shopping and bought a ton of new suits, blouses and skirts, so that I will look very professional throughout my first couple of months of work. I have to admit that I had stopped caring about what I was wearing to work at my old job because, well, I didn't really have any money to shop and I guess I let my boredom with my job carry over into my wardrobe. Plus, I have never really been into shopping. So, couple those things with the fact that I had gained weight and I really did not feel as though my current wardrobe was new job appropriate.

So, anyways, your girl will look like a rock star and more importantly, feel like a rock star when she is starting her new job! Yay for me. I also bought some new Mac makeup for my line sister's wedding, so, that will definitely be put to good use as well. Now, I just have to get my hair together. I thought about redoing it so that it was fresh for the start of my new job, but, I actually just got it done last weekend, so, I think I will make it work for the first week and get it done the following week.

I have also managed to try and get a leg up on some work that my new boss has already told me about. I drafted two versions of a press release that he told me I would be working on during my first week and I wrote up a communications plan. I really hope that all of my preparation pays off. We'll see!

I also had a counseling session today with a friend of mine who is working on becoming a Licensed Counselor. She has to counsel for so many hours for free before she can test to get licensed, so, I am helping her out by allowing her to counsel me. Or should I say, she is helping me out because she knows I have issues. We talked all about my new job and the pressure I feel to succeed and how I felt about the transition. We also talked about how I harbored some bad feelings for some of the people at my old job and how I could move forward and let those feelings go. It made me feel really really good! I was so glad I could get out all of the emotions and feelings that I have inside. I think that talking with her definitely helped me to be even more prepared to start my new job on Monday.

The other thing that is happening right now in my world is that I have started to date and ex...I know...womp womp. This is almost never a good idea, but, I really like the guy and I am hoping that it actually works out this time...more to come on that! :)

Next to last day blues

2010-08-12T08:54:00.001-07:00

I am bored out of my mind right now. I have cleaned out my desk, handed off or thrown away every file in my desk and have had a million transition meetings. I have nothing else to do. I don't know why employers insist upon two weeks notice. I mean seriously. It really does not take two full business weeks to hand off files and pass on what little knowledge that you are motivated to pass on.

Lord - Monday cannot come soon enough. I will be done. I will be outta' here. On to the next...geez Louise. I am going bananas.

Your Newest Marketing Manager

2010-08-07T06:46:00.000-07:00

I have officially resigned from my position as a Corporate Communications Specialist and have accepted a new position as a Marketing Manager. I was a nervous wreck when I submitted my resignation and have been barely sleeping and eating since I made my decision. But, I weighed all of the pros and cons and accepted what I believe to be a really good opportunity for me.

I actually thought submitting my resignation would be a lot more fulfilling than it was. I set up a morning meeting with my boss, walked in and handed her my resignation. I told her there was no good way to do it than to just to say it...it was like pulling off a band aid. She asked if I wanted her to go to her superiors (the Director and VP that I report under) and ask for a counteroffer. I told her that I had already accepted the other position. So, she walked me into the VP's office and we told him that I was resigning. It ran shock waves through both departments on my floor. Many people were very surprised that I would resign. But, for me the move was somewhat about money, but even more about growth and respect from management.

I went to my boss earlier this year and asked for more money and she told me that I was still considered entry level. She even called my previous television experience internships and said that it did not count towards my experience because it was non-transferable. I have to admit...that pissed me the hell off...She even told me that though I had been promoted last year to the Specialist position, I was not in the pay range of the position because I lacked the proper experience. My current company is really old school and they believe you need 10+ years experience before you can be a manager or get paid your worth. It's sad too because they lose many of their good younger employees because they hold on to limitations that they believe you have when you are younger.

Throughout my nearly 3.5 year stint at the company they have continuously made comments about my age and how they didn't expect me to stay long or how I just have to wait a little while before I will have the money to purchase a beach house, etc. Well, it got me to thinking, I need to get the hell out of here, because I don't want to be anywhere that puts limitations on my growth. So, even though I was very comfortable, well-respected in my department and I love my job, I had to pursue other opportunities.

So, I have been under a lot of stress lately because my boss is really being a bitch about me resigning. She asked me yesterday if I would work three days past my resignation date. I politely (and professionally) declined. She then responded to say that I would have to work on my scheduled 9/80 day.

I told her that working on that particular Friday was not my schedule and I had not planned to work because I am in a wedding on Saturday and I have a number of pre-wedding errands to run. I even offered to work extra hours from Mon-Thurs to kind of give her an olive branch. She said that that would not work for her. Then, she said, well, you know those Fridays off are not guaranteed and we need to discuss this further. This is all through email, so, I did not respond. I was like, what are they going to do fire me? You cannot make me work on a scheduled off day...fuck you! She then sends me one last email that said that she wanted me to create a transition document that could be handed off that included all of my projects, what the status is, what's left to be done on them, who the contacts are, etc.

Now, that request made a lot more sense to me...so, I sent her a nice note that said I would work on the document and get it to her asap. Now, why the hell didn't she offer that at first? I was so pissed that I had to walk downstairs and take a break and talk to one of my friends. He told me to just remain calm and professional and in a week none of this mess would matter. He was exactly the calm spirit that I needed at that moment.

It serves my boss right to have to clean up everything that is left because of my resignation. Because, she is is a HUGE part of the problem. If you don't treat people right...then why should anyone take you into consideration when they are ready to leave. I hope they are completely overwhelmed. I can't wait until the 17th...it will all be over after that. Yay!

It's official - I am fat!

2010-07-25T08:57:00.000-07:00

Until recently, I did not really think too much or even care about being what I have affectionately called "thick." While I was in college and in high school, I could eat whatever I wanted, not exercise and still remain a size 4 to 6. Well, times have changed and I have gone from a size 8 to a size 12 in about 2 years. I am so unhappy with my body. So, it is now time to get into action and stop sitting back feeling trapped in my own body. Today, I signed up for a calorie counter and have made a firm commitment to myself to make some changes in my lifestyle. I have also scheduled a time to walk everyday and my mom has committed to doing it with me. We plan to walk every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I am hoping that this will work out and I can stay motivated.

Am I the new Marketing Manager?

2010-07-24T06:37:00.000-07:00

I had a job interview last week. It was the first interview that I had in three years. YIKES. I received a call Monday as I was leaving my current job about a Marketing Manager position for a local non-profit. The next morning, I had a phone interview with the Human Resources Director of the agency. She was a very tough interviewer. Now, for someone who competed in pageants for 10 years, interviewing is something that comes naturally for me and I can always hold my own.

So, I continued to answer the questions and I stayed calm as she spent quite a bit of time critiquing my resume. At times over the phone, she came across as slightly rude which had me thinking that I was not sure that I wanted to work for the company. However, at the end of the conversation, she said that she wanted to move me into the next phase of the interview process and that they were moving quickly on the position, so, I would have to interview in person on Thursday.

She also said she would email me an application and an at-home design assignment for me to bring to the interview and that I should expect to be in the office for at least two hours because I would have to edit a newsletter article and write a press release as part of the interview. I also had to bring and leave my professional portfolio and they would return it. I guess this recession is no joke, because employers are not playing with applicants.

So, I went in for the interview. The question and answer portion lasted an hour. They both seemed to be very nice and receptive to my responses and at the end of the interview the VP of Marketing and Communications (who I will report to) said that I did an excellent job before they walked me to the room where I would write the press release and edit the article.

So, I finish, leave the building and feel like a weight has been lifted off of me...Now, it was in their hands to decide if they would hire me. I start compiling a list of pros and cons of taking the job and run a few errands before I go home. Once I make it home, I get a call from both of them (I am thinking they are about to offer me the job)...instead, they say, they want me to try my hand at the design project once more. Ugh...okay, I say. They tell me it is due Monday by 5 p.m. I submitted it on Friday at 8 a.m. because I did not want to stress about it all weekend and I wanted the whole interview process to be over. The entire process really takes a lot out of you.

And what's worse is that I haven't even gotten to the point where I could ask about all the things that will impact my final decision, like benefits, vacation, tuition reimbursement, mileage reimbursement, etc...So, I am hoping to hear back soon. I have a big sponsorship event coming up and if this offer comes by Wednesday, then, my two weeks notice will land just before the event....which is completely fine with me, because the on-site work for the event is exhausting. Plus, my line sister's pre-wedding events are that same day, so, I would not miss any of them, because I wouldn't have to go to the work event...so, we will see. Am I the next Marketing Manager?

I have career apathy

2010-07-12T16:36:00.000-07:00

I really need some kind of medicine for the career apathy that I have been feeling lately. I am wondering if it is possible to be bored with a job that you were once so passionate about. I still love my job and I am not miserable, but I am bored with it. I am also annoyed with all of the bureaucracy that comes with it. Something for me has got to change quickly.

I actually applied for a position in another department at my company last week. I really hope I get an interview for the job. With this new position, I would be able to travel more and get out of the office and more importantly get to work for a new set of management. The other thing that is really appealing to me about the position is that there are a number of different areas in the department, so, in five years or so, I wouldn't necessarily have this same smothering feeling that I seem to have right now where I feel like in order to do something else, I have to get out of the department. I have been very lucky to get a lot of leadership opportunities very quickly in my group, but, there isn't really an opportunity to move to another group in my department and certainly not an opportunity to move upward because our management is very young and very comfortable. Ugh...Someone please tell me how to cure career apathy.

When a man lies...

2010-07-03T09:11:00.000-07:00

When a man lies, it stings. It hurts, but you have to pick up the pieces of your heart and move the hell on. I hadn't experienced lies lately from men as I am usually pretty guarded and can see a liar a million miles away, but today, I saw first hand that lying transcends age. Ugh.

You can't help but to wonder if there is something about you that leads men to think that you will fall for the okie doke. I have to wonder if there is something that I give off that makes them believe that they can get over on me. It's frustrating and annoying and makes me want to stop trying to date all together. It makes me want to focus more on all the other aspects of my life that need tending to...molding...sigh.

Daydreaming Again...

2010-07-01T13:38:00.001-07:00

I am sitting at my desk at work daydreaming. I have a couple of updates. First, the roommate moved out last night. She went peacefully, but, not without drama. She was moving out this massive mountain of items that she had managed to store in one room, slowly...actually, in what seemed like the slowest manner possible when she stopped to exclaim to me that though she only had 72 cents, she was wondering if she could buy a bottle of water from me. Now, I am not completely insensitive, so, I did feel a tad sorry for her and of course I gave her two bottles of water.

She then moved on with her sad 40 + year old woman puppy dog eyes. I had to remind myself that me allowing her to stay in a room in my home was a business arrangement and that she failed to keep up her end of said business arrangement by failing to maintain stable employment (she quit her last job without a replacement job) and by only paying on time two months in the past 7 months. So, unfortunately, she had to go!

So, I have to admit that I haven't been alone in my home for quite some time, so, last night was very awkward. I even left the light on over the stove, just to make sure I could see everything when I came down in the morning.

I plan to start heavily cleaning my home today and up until next Friday when Mr. CB comes to visit next Friday. I am actually pretty excited about spending the entire weekend with him. It will be out first weekend together, so we will have to see how it turns out. Though we mutually decided that we mostly wanted to just play it by ear, we have decided that on his first night in town, I will cook him dinner (probably etouffee)...complete with wine and some type of dessert (I haven't decided what kind)...So, I really hope he enjoys it.

Then, on Saturday, we plan to visit a park in downtown Houston called Discovery Green. I have wanted to go there for quite some time and just have not had anyone else who really wanted to go. I think that it will be great to experience it with him. I might even be really corny and pack a picnic basket for us. :) Until later...

Crossroads

2010-06-22T06:07:00.000-07:00

I am at a crossroads in my career. I have "too little" experience to move to a more senior position(atleast according to some of the idiot managers at my current job) and too much experience to get hired for some of the mid-level positions. I have been quite a bit frustrated with my job lately and have kicked my job search into full gear. While I absolutely love my job and love what I do, I am so tired of being unappreciated and taken forgranted, while they continue to pile on additional tasks and assignments.

I just finished up this event that I plan for nearly a year. I worked tirelessly on this event spending many a late night and early morning working to ensure that every aspect of the event went well. And, of course it did, only a few minor hiccups, that I quickly rectified. The attendance of the event increased by a 1,000 and I like to believe it is because of all of my public relations efforts. I am so proud of the event, but, one thing that was mentally noted was the fact that my boss didn't even bother to show up to the event, instead opting to send me and my event assistant a text message saying that she is thinking about us and she wants a full report. I quickly deleted the text - mostly, because I felt like if she wanted to know about the event that takes about a year of planning, her ass should have been there. Ugh. This is my second event this year that she has conveniently not attended. She does, however, drop everything for one particular Vice President. I am not sure what is going on with her an the dude, especially since she and he are both married, but, my events and hard work means nothing to her. It seems to me like she is more interested in her own self-advancement and if the event in no way promotes her she is not coming. My VP and her boss, my director, both showed up and gave me tons of praise and seemed appreciative. She just annoys the hell out of me.

I think I also have a chip on my shoulder because of our last review when she told me that although I was promoted last year, I am not in the salary range of my position because I need more years experience to be in the salary range. That is when I really started looking for another job. Ugh, I had heard back from one of my sorority sisters last week regarding a job that I had applied for, but, still no intereview scheduled. I hope something happens soon!

A man & a potential job interview

2010-06-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

So, last night I had an absolutely wonderful evening. Against many of my friends wishes, I went to dinner with the older man who I referenced in my DC post. It was an amazing night. In fact, so amazing, that we are going out again tonight.

We started the night off by having drinks at his hotel (a swanky Galleria-area hotel). Then, we headed to a fabulous restaurant called the Oceanaire. I enjoyed every minute of it. The food was awesome, the drinks were strong and he was the perfect gentleman, opening every door for me, holding my hand and complimenting me all night long. What more could a girl want? So, we left dinner and headed to have drinks at one of my favorite bars. He told me that it was my night and we would do whatever I wanted to do. I totally felt like it was my birthday or something. Hell, that date would have been the perfect birthday date. Any who, we had drinks there. We joked, we laughed, we were totally into each other and what’s more is that I don’t think anyone was staring at us because he was older. He doesn’t look much older than say late thirties, early forties. I actually thought we made a pretty decent couple. From there, we headed to a 25 and up club that was a lot of fun. All in all, a great great night. Aside from him being a little on the quiet side, it was the perfect date. Yay! I don’t think I care how old he is. We’ll see…

On another note, thanks to a sorority sister, I am in the running for a new job and may possibly have a job interview next week. Cross your fingers y’all. I had to complete an extensive online assessment that scared the bejesus out of me. It was very difficult and had a lot of math, which I am not very good at. So, I hope that it does not disqualify me. I also had to complete an extensive application. I carefully worked on it for a number of hours. I guess, now, I just have to wait. If I can make it pass this stage, I will be fine in the interview as I have always been very good with interviews.

She's Evicted! I can't wait to be alone again!

2010-06-03T07:07:00.000-07:00

Well, many of you have already heard about my trifling roommate. But, to give a little background she has been with me for about 7 months and she has only paid on time 2 times. She recently got her car repossessed (from one of those title loan companies - long story) from my front yard and decided to quit her job two weeks ago although she did not have a replacement job.

I was really just up to my ears in her stories about losing money, not being able to pay on time because her check wasn't direct-deposited in time, not having enough hours at work, etc. She is full of drama and full of stories/lies. So, I came home already expecting to hear her story about why she didn't have the money because I know for a fact she has been at my house almost every day (and night) for several weeks. This is while, I get up every morning, almost seven days a week and take my tail to work.

I walk in the door and she hands me a partial payment and tells me that she does not have the rest and is not sure when she will have the rest of the money. This tells me that she is waaay to comfortable paying me when she feels like it.

I ask her if she has found a job and what about next month's rent. She says that she has received a couple of emails from people about jobs, but hasn't secured one. She then (while looking like a sad puppy dog and clearly expecting my empathy) said that she would give me her 30 days notice to move out. I say, so you will be out by the 30? She doesn't really respond. I then, say, well, let's just make it official and hand her a letter that read:

You are hereby given notice that you are in breach of your tenancy of the premises located at MY ADDRESS under the terms of the lease dated WHEN SHE MOVED IN, between ME, as landlord and ROOMMATE, as tenant.

You are in breach because you have continuously been delinquent in your payment to the undersigned of the sum of THE AMOUNT for multiple month's rent. Because you have not maintained stable employment, the Landlord is terminating the lease effective Wednesday, June 30. If you desire to stay the entire allowed (30) days, your rent must be paid in full including all associated late fees within (7) days of the date of this letter. If all rent and fees have not been paid by Wednesday, June 9, the lease is terminated effective immediately. (I won't really kick her out, but, I wanted her to know I am serious)

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.

I think initially I let her make it, because I totally understand the struggle. But, I am sorry, if I can work two jobs and hustle to make ends meet, then I will be damned if I take care of a 40+ year old woman. If you don't work, you don't eat and you cannot live anywhere for free...bottom line. So, come June 30, I will be free of all of her drama.

Fabulous Memorial Day Weekend

2010-06-01T14:42:00.000-07:00

I had a fabulous Memorial Day weekend. I had the career day Friday morning, went in for a few hours of work and left after that. I then, went home to change clothes and went out to volunteer at the Motown Revue. It is a free outdoor stage show that happens every year. The company that I work for is a sponsor and wanted volunteers to help pass out fans, and programs. So, I obliged, well, that is until it started to rain. The show was just kicking off when the rain came pouring down. Now, while I love volunteer work and am totally committed to worthy causes, I don't do rain. Lol. So, needless to say I was out of there. I went home to relax a bit and kick back, since I knew I had a busy day ahead of me.

I woke up early Saturday morning and went shopping for a new dress to wear for my day's events (bridal shower, birthday party, drinks with the girls and drinks with Bisi). I purchased the cutest black frock and you could not have told me that I wasn't looking fierce. I paired it with my new favorite pair of shoes and I treated myself to a new necklace and a pair of new shades. I started out with the bridal shower. It was the most unorganized event ever. It started a whopping 2 hours late and everyone was about over it. I stayed for most of it, but complained the entire way through to my mother, because I had plans to have drinks with the girls before the birthday party. I ended up missing that, but, I did make it to the birthday party, which was a lot of fun. I played Spades and laughed and joked while sipping on Vodka. When I left, I called the party animal Bisi to see where he was to meet up with him. I met him at a local bar and we had drinks for a couple of hours and then we went to grab something to eat. It was fun. :)

Then, on Sunday, I went to a barbecue/pool party at a mutual friend's house. Again, very cool! Lots of drinks and food. Too much fun. We all decided to head to a day party after that, so, we caravaned to the day party, which was off the chain. Mad crowd, perfect music and since I don't go out all that I often, I seriously enjoyed myself. Though I now know, that I cannot do shots the way I could when I was in my early twenties. 'Nuff said. From there, we went to get something to eat. I was hella' sleepy at this point and feeling like an old person, but, I tried to hang in there.

Then, on Monday, my mother and I saw Sex and the City 2. It was just alright for me. I say save your money until it comes out on DVD if you haven't seen it. I was talking to an older woman this morning that said she really enjoyed it because she could relate to many of the things that Kim Cattrall was going through...so, maybe if you are older you will enjoy it more. I guess it was too old for me. Anyways, I had a great weekend and was constantly on the go. It felt pretty darn good!

Career Days are awesome

2010-05-28T11:00:00.001-07:00

I had the opportunity to participate in a Career Day this morning. It was absolutely wonderful. I talked to about 75 eighth grade students about my role as a communications specialist at an energy delivery company. In addition, I shared electric and natural gas safety tips and I even touched on my former career as an assignment editor at two local television news station. My really good friend, Bisi invited me to participate and I am so glad that he did. I really hope that some of what I said stuck with the kids.

What's more is that although I was being of service to the kids by taking time out of my day to speak with them, I really felt like I too, got something out it. In talking about my education, my career change, my goals in life, etc., it really helped me to see how far I have come and how truly blessed that I am.

I told one of the groups of kiddos about how my friend (the teacher who invited me) helped me to work on math and pass the last class I needed to graduate from college. It feels good to be able to say that I struggled with something, I faced it head on and made it through to live to tell the story. I used to be so embarrassed to tell people that I failed one class three times before I passed it and could graduate or that I needed a tutor to help me pass this particular class. But now, that is my testimony. I used to be embarrassed to tell people that I was fired from my last job in news. But now, that too is my testimony and though I did not share that with the kiddos (wouldn't want them to think that being fired is at all a good thing). I tell almost everyone else who asks about my current career how I made it to this profession. I tell them that everything happens for a reason and I know my previous job was not for me. I told the kids how they have to find something that they are passionate about and they really will never work a day in their life. It really warmed my heart.

I also saw how much my friend loves his job. I have often asked him why he does not try to be a principal and now I see why. He doesn't because he absolutely loves what he does and on top of that, he has a great rapport with his students. He is a really good friend of mine and while I was riding home, I was telling my mom how great he was with the kids and I could see how he oozes passion for the job, she immediately said that she is claiming him as her son-in-law in the name of Jesus. See, Bisi and I have been friends for a number of years and he knows my family very well. Everyone in my family absolutely loves him. He is a great man. We have gone on many of what one could consider dates, but, we have never called them dates...lol. I have a lot of love for him and he definitely holds a special place in my heart. We've even discussed dating many times before...but, it has just never quite seemed right. Well, at the very least, I got a good chuckle out of my mom's comment. :)

How old is too old?

2010-05-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

I am coming off of a wonderful weekend in Washington, D.C. I went to D.C. to attend my god sister’s graduation. Shout out to all of the Georgetown grads. It was a great experience all around. I toured the White House, visited the American history museum, and even had dinner at the fabulous Washington Hotel. What’s even better is that I did not spend a lot of money. My Godparents were gracious enough to provide the airfare for the trip and I spent very little money on food and other trip related expenses.

But even better than the fact that I did not spend a lot of money is the fact that I met a man. And for those of you who know about my many awful experiences with men, you will understand that this is quite exciting for me. He intrigues me. I cannot put my finger on it, but there is something about him that really made me want to get to know more about him instantly.

There are however, a couple of potential problems with him. The first is that he lives in Atlanta; the second is that he is my Godfather’s longtime best friend, and the third is that he is 48. I am 27. As I was sitting in the hotel lobby of his hotel having drinks I could not help but bring up the difference in our ages. I asked how old he was and he responded quickly with a, “Let’s not ruin the moment, what does age really matter?” So, I dropped it, but after about 3 or 4 apple martinis, he shared his age with me and I shared mine with him. As I looked into his eyes, I could not help but ask myself the question, how old is too old? I have always been more attracted to older men. There is something about an older man. I mean, even my ex-boyfriend was 39. I have found that older men respond to women better, treat them better, and they don’t mind “wooing” you.

So, what does it matter that he is 21 years my senior? Does it really matter that he remembers me as a very small child? Or does it really matter that he is older than both of my parents? I cannot help but wonder…I think I have come to a crossroads in my life to where I really just want someone that makes me happy…and I am not saying that this guy is definitely the one for me, but just wondering if it’s worth pursuing.

I am a millenial and proud of it!

2010-05-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

I think a lot about my career and today has been no exception. I just came out of a 30-year celebration breakfast for one of the directors in my department. While it is commendable for a person to be that committed to a company and to stay that long, I don't think that a 30-year career stint at one company is in my future.

While I love my job and there are a number of opportunities for me to move around, I cannot see myself staying that long. I wonder how much career ambition a person has to have to stay that long. This particular individual probably has a great salary and she's a director, so, she is almost the lead of our department...but, damn after 30 years, shouldn't she be running the company. I like to think that I would if I were to stay that long. I have run through my head a million times how I want the next couple of years in my career to pan out...and while I do not believe in job hopping (though I did a lot in the first couple of years of work), I know that I will leave a company in a New York second if I get a better opportunity - an more importantly, more money. It is no surprise that more money leads to a better quality of life. I always hate when people say that you can't make young people happy and that they will leave at the drop of the hat. Well, first off, it is not just a young thing, it is a personality thing and secondly, we are not in the same mindset or era where we believe that you get on a job, stay there until you retire/die. Millenials are ambitious, driven and we want the most out of life. Too bad that some of these old, stuffy, old-school, corporate companies can not keep up with our drive.

If he doesn't make your toes curl...

2010-04-05T18:03:00.000-07:00

I have decided that if I cannot be with my dream guy. I most definitely would rather be alone. I went on a date with a guy on Sunday and he is absolutely a good guy. He has a good job, a college degree and is really sweet. However, he doesn't make my toes curl. I want to be with a man that I get excited to see. I want to be with a man that I can't stop thinking about all day...the kind of man that you love so much it hurts. And...more importantly, I want a man that is smarter than me. I want a man that can engage in conversation about Obama's health care policy and the latest Jay Z song.

Sometimes, I feel like this man is figment of my imagination, but I am holding out hope for him. Mr. Right is coming for me. I am just going to keep holding on and waiting. Wow...I am sensing some growth from myself.

On another note, I need some advice blog world. Most of you already know that I have a roommate. What can I do if the heiffer constantly pays late? She is about to drive me up the wall with all of her stories about why she cannot pay on time. I know that one option is to kick her tail out...but, she is actually a really good roommate...i.e. she keeps to herself, doesn't mess with my stuff, avoids parking in the driveway and is super quiet...she just changed jobs, so, I am trying to give her a break...but, this is the absolute worse week for her to pay 9 days late...I am going out of town on Thursday and she is like, she cannot pay until Friday. Ugh...need some advice. Until later.

Left behind

2010-03-28T10:24:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I am being left behind in this game of life. I know that I have many things going for me that I should be very proud of...but, I feel like the absence of a good solid relationship continues to haunt me. I am not sure how to make myself feel good about being "alone" so to speak. It's not fun at all, especially when everyone around me seems to have someone. Now, I know that not everyone who has someone is happy. I am under no elusion whatsoever, but the grass damn sure looks greener on the other side. I often find myself wondering if I can be happy with a great career and without a husband or a family. I have always saw myself as the kind of woman that can and will do both, but, lately I just have not been sure that the latter will ever happen for me. I, like many women, have often wondered what's wrong with me? Why is it happening for others and not me. I feel like I am good person and any man should be breaking his neck to be with fabulous me...but, unfortunately, those that are breaking their neck are few and far in between.

I wonder what's next for me? Really. I didn't expect to get a lot of answers from the post, but, I just wanted to put in writing somewhere the things that go through my head everyday. Ugh.

Feeling bad for myself

2010-03-18T17:58:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those days when you can't help but feel bad for yourself...well, today is my day. I think I need a hug.

I went to prison last week

2010-02-27T07:41:00.001-08:00

I went to prison last week - to visit. I toured the Ramsey Unit in RoSharon, Texas for a class assignment. It touched my heart in more ways than you could ever imagine. Looking into the eyes of the men in this facility was much different than what you see in movies or on television. I even had the opportunity to speak with three of the inmates who discussed their views on the death penalty. All of the men had sentences over 50 years in prison. I cannot even imagine a life like that.

Thoughts of my father continued to come into my head. My father was convicted of manslaughter and spent nearly 10 years in prison missing all of my childhood. Though he was never in this facility, I imagined what he must have looked like sitting in a small cell similar to the ones I saw on the tour. We have to write a paper on our views of the death penalty and I came into the facility thinking that I would surely write my paper in support of it. But, seeing these men housed like caged animals really changed my perspective on how "easy" prison is. One of the inmates described it best when he said it is a mental death. It's slow and probably more painful than a physical death. I think that everyone should visit a prison at some point in their life, I think it gave me an appreciation for the life I have outside where I can choose what time to wake up and go to sleep. I can decide where I want to eat and even what I want to wear. You lose that freedom when you enter prison and while all of these men committed crimes that landed them in prison and certainly deserve punishment for their heinous crimes, there is something so very barbaric and inhumane about jail.

Couldn't Get out of bed...damm

2010-02-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

So, the guy and I went to see that Valentine's Day movie last night and we didn't make it back to my house until about 11:30 p.m. I showered and put on the cutest little nightgown that I had purchased just for him to see me in...lol. He and I cuddled and talked for another two hours. I am really feeling dude. In fact, I am feeling him a little too much. It is really scary. It scares the hell out of me. I often feel like, I don't want to get my hopes up, but then there is still this part of me that is constantly thinking, "Is he the one?" Could this really be the man that God has for me? I don't know. I guess I just have to keep praying.

Anyway, when I woke up this morning, I rolled over and hugged him tighter, before I knew it 45 minutes had passed and I was still in bed. I had already planned to take a half day vacation, but, I kept thinking darnit, why didn't I take the whole day off...so, I eventually got up and of course made it to work about an hour and a half late.

I totally did not care, because I have been really pissed with my job lately. I had my review last week and my boss had nothing but good things to say about my work performance, but, without explicity telling me, told me that I would not be getting promoted this year, because I was just promoted less than a year ago. I was so aggravated because I work on my off days, respond to phone calls and emails at all hours and was just added to the after hours media pager duty, so, I even handle media calls in the middle of the night. On top of that, I have all of the more senior level work that belonged to a girl that was recently promoted to supervisor...so, though my review said that I have done well, she is just like, with more "experience" I will be promoted. That totally pissed me off because what the hell does years of experience have to do with if I am doing a good job. If you are doing a good job, that is all that matters, right? Well, I love my job, but for me, it is about the bottom line and I totally feel overworked and underpaid. So, that discussion with my boss, definately changed my perspective on work. My eyes are open for any opportunity that pays me 8K-10K more, I will not sit around and wait for the experience they believe I need to have.

Bad days = Bad weeks ...and then it all continues

2010-02-14T07:39:00.000-08:00

I have had a miserable last couple of days. It has been very difficult to stay positive. I am extremely stressed at work as I am on a couple of big projects that are extremely intense. I have hardly had a day to myself in about the past month. Between working my full time job that equates to about 60 hours per week and my part time job and attending graduate school, I am about to pull my hair out. I also serve as co-chair for the service committee in my graduate chapter and yesterday we hosted a job preparedness workshop for teens and that had me stressed as well. Thank goodness it is over. I also travel to Minneapolis for work tomorrow... Thus, I will be freezing for two damn days. Oh joy. Plus, I just got added to the media relations after hours duty roster, so, guess who is on duty this week and has been pestered by stupid reporters. Ugh. I keep telling myself that God would not put more on me than I can bare. However, it certainly has been seeming unbearable lately.

Did I mention that something is wrong with my car? My friend's fiancee did a temporary fix to the problem, but, I am not sure that the temporary fix will hold up long. We'll see on that. Then, there is the guy. I still really like him, but lately I have been getting annoyed with him preferring to hang out with his friends over me...he has decided to go out with his friends for the past two days instead of spend time with me...that's kind of annoying. But, I have been to damn tired to really care. Today I am supposed to cook him dinner for Valentine's Day. We will see how that goes. I am not really in a romantic mood at all. Ugh.

I haven't even packed for Minneapolis. I guess I will get on that when I get home...sigh. I did have one cool thing happen this week...I got a new 47 inch LG LCD TV. I am so excited. I also went off on Direct TV when I called them to ask about a high definition box and they told me I had to pay $250. Needless to say, I am switching to Comcast. I don't have time for damn Direct TV. That is just something else to stress me out.

Also, had another allergic reaction this past week...ugh...Y'all pray for me!

How much time is enough?

2010-02-07T07:27:00.000-08:00

In all of the relationships that I have had in the past, I constantly struggle with how much time is enough time to spend with someone you are dating. I still don't think I am sure. I have never been the girl who wants to be with her guy everyday, but I think 2-3 times a week (mostly on the weekends) is a sufficient amount of time for me to see a guy.

Well, I have been seeing the new guy about that much with a few occasionals hiccups so to speak. Last night, I wanted to spend time with him and he had agreed to have dinner with me...until his mother calls and asks him to ride with her to the casino about two hours away. So, in essence, I got booted for the mother. I am totally okay with him choosing his mother over me, but for something as trivial as going to the casino...I thought he could have just as well told her that he had already made dinner plans.

Ugh! I never have problems with getting along with men or liking them. For me, it's always the time issue. I have always felt like if a guy likes you, he would atleast want to spend a little bit of time with you. I think I equate the time that a man chooses to spend with me to the amount he likes or cares for me. I know things come up and there will be times when a man just cannot be around...which is totally fine...but, sometimes, I just don't agree with the choices that men make, atleast when it comes to hanging with me.

Today is a perfect example, I wanted the guy to come with me to my girlfriend's SuperBowl party, but he says it is a tradition to watch the game with his boys...so, he will be there...though he had no problem telling me that I am welcome to come with him to his boy's place - where there "may" be one other girl. I am passing on his invite and going to my girlfriend's party...so, since he spent last night at the casino with mom, I probably won't see him until maybe the middle of this coming week...oh well. What do you all think about time? How important is it? How much is too much? Am I being unreasonable?

Watched the Grammy's with him last night

2010-02-01T07:29:00.000-08:00

I had a really good night with the guy last night. He came over and I cooked dinner and we watched the Grammy's. It was really cool. He enjoyed my food...which was great, especially since I used some all wheat pasta, I am trying to make slightly better selections on the food I eat, so I am always looking for a way to eat better. I wasn't sure how the heck the stuff would taste.

I was totally playing the role of the girlfriend. I made his plate, brought him a drink, napkin, etc. Now, in a lot of ways, I am very much a 2010 independent woman who believes that she can do anything that a man can do and wants to be afforded the same opportunities that a man has in career options and achievements, however, when it comes to the home front, I am still very much traditional. I believe in cooking for my man, serving him (as long as he understands that he too better serve me sometimes as well), washing his clothes, etc. and just making sure he's happy. So, he seemed to really enjoy all that I did for him last night. He even asked if he could help me. I was like no, I got it.

So, we finished dinner and I had one of those bake and serve pecan pies that I brought out. Now, most everyone knows that I absolutely love pecan pie. So, I bring a plate over to the couch and guess who also loves pecan pie, yep...the guy. He and I ended up sharing a slice. It was totally sweet (no pun intended) and totally romantic.

By the end of the Grammy's I was extremely tired from talking to him and updating Facebook and Twitter providing my own personal commentary on how the show went. What was most hilarious is that he was doing it to and while sitting next to each other, we were both responding to each other's status updates and such. So, once the show was over, I was about to tell him goodbye and he asked if I would like for him to stay the night. Though I hadn't expected him to stay over on a "work night," it was a nice surprise. We talked for a couple of hours and he held me all night long. So, of course I was a tad bit late this morning, because when the alarm clock went off, I simply rolled over and kissed him as opposed to getting out of the bed.

Sigh. (A happy one!) I had drinks with the Sorors this weekend and one of them said that a man in your life can make you act a little differently. I have to say that since I have been seeing this guy, I am definitely acting a little different, there is definitely a sparkle in my eye. I just hope it continues. :)

Should I have been upset?

2010-01-30T08:49:00.001-08:00

So, our date last night started off pretty late, Mr. AP was held up at work because he had to complete a compliance report before he left. So, once we finally got together, it was about 10 p.m. I met him at this bar and restaurant not too far from my house. The conversation was good as well as the food and drinks. We spent a couple hours eating, talking, drinking and staring into each others eyes. I had a really good time and he continuously ordered me more drinks. You would swear he was trying to get me drunk, but I only really drank about one and a half because I am trying to lose weight, so I have to cut back on the alcohol.

He mentioned to me that he had promised his nephew that he would pick him up and take him to his house last night to play video games after he met up with me. I was a little sad, because I wanted him to come home with me (at least for a little while). So, I did a little female convincing and got him to come to my house after we left. He followed me home and once we arrived, we continued the conversation and also listened to music and of course had quite a few very passionate kisses. It felt really nice. There is something about a man that listens so intently to you. It makes you feel like he really cares. It makes you feel very special.

Now, scary subject - we also talked about our views on marriage and when we feel like we are ready for kids. He told me that he wants to be married in the next two years, by age 31 to be exact and he wants kids about four years after he has been married. Seems to work fine with my time line, I wonder if he really meant those dates or if he said that because he knows that that was probably what I wanted to hear. He even jokingly mentioned that if we kept dating from when we dated years earlier that we would be married now. I found the idea kind of silly. :)

So, we do all of this for hours and before we knew it, it was 3 a.m. He then tells me that he had made a promise to his nephew and he doesn't like to break promises, so, he has to leave. He says he knows that his 10 or maybe 11 year old nephew is waiting up for him and that he doesn't want to disappoint him. Now, while all of this seemed very commendable to me. I couldn't help having some very selfish thoughts. I wanted him to stay with me, to hold me - not have sex - but, just hold me, the way he had been holding me for hours. But, he left, even though I didn't want him too. Who the hell leaves to go out and hang with an 11 year old at 3 in morning? I mean seriously. I still like him and still want to see where this goes...but, damn...the thought of waking up to him makes me smile. I guess another day. Should I have been upset?

Smiling from ear to ear

2010-01-28T11:28:00.000-08:00

I had "smiling from ear to ear" as my Facebook status the other day and everyone kept inquiring why I was smiling. I didn't expound for anyone, I totally left it generic. I am trying not to get excited about this guy...but, hell, the man makes me smile. Ok, so, I know and y'all know that I have liked many guys in the past...so, we'll see.

I had to get up at 3 a.m. this morning for a media availability, so, I decided to work from home after that. We have both been really busy with work...so, we had not seen each other since Sunday...but we both really wanted to see each other. So, once I told him I was home, he said he wanted to come see me. The man drove 45 minutes on his lunch break to see me. So, of course he took a long lunch. I kept asking if I was going to get him in trouble. He is an assistant principal. He said he was fine. So, let's hope that I didn't get him in trouble. I thought it was so sweet. On top of that, I have been talking about wanting to go to this Sprite Step Off Show and I casually mentioned to him that I needed to get tickets, well, guess who shows up with six tickets to the show telling me that I should take some of my sorority sisters. You guessed it, Mr. AP (Assistant Principal). Yet another really sweet gesture.

Now, he totally is probably trying to keep me occupied so that he can watch sports on Saturday...lol...but who cares? Our next date should be Friday, he asked if I wanted to go to dinner...I hope all goes well. He seems too good to be true right now. In fact, I am starting to think that he is one of those men that has a lot going for himself and doesn't know it. I think those are the best kinds. lol. I'll update again soon...but, for now, staying on cloud 9.

Is it possible?

2010-01-25T06:27:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here at my desk first thing Monday morning and rather than working, I can't help but thinking is it possible for a man to be so wrong for you at 24/25 and he seem to be perfect at 27/28?

I spent last night watching the Saints game with a really nice guy. I actually dated him a couple of years earlier, but, he didn't quite seem right for me at that time. However, after spending time with him last night, he seemed to be a really good fit...I don't know, I guess we will see. :)

"You are doing it because you are lonely"

2010-01-23T11:57:00.000-08:00

"You are doing it because you are lonely." Those were the words that lovingly came out of the mouth of one of my close friends yesterday. She said that I make some bad decisions relating to men mostly because I am lonely. I couldn't say I disagreed with her, but, what I believe is that much of what I do has to do with both being lonely and all of the societal pressures that come with being a 27-year old single female that hasn't had many long-term relationships.

Whether it is the doctor that asks if I am 27 and when I reply with a "yes," begins to tell me about pre-conception counseling or the mother that constantly asks when she will get some grandchildren out of me or the coworker that casually mentions that it is about time for me to get married. It's all of those things and the countless others that bother me and that make me feel like it's unhealthy to be 27 and single without kids.

I love my life, don't get me wrong. God has blessed me tremendously and I know that he has every time I drive up to my own house or the job that I love. I am by no means unhappy, but, I think that loneliness on occasion is a normal human emotion. What's more is that I don't feel like it's wrong to spend time with Mr. Wrong if I want to as it doesn't really hurt anyone - especially since Mr. Right doesn't seem to be anywhere close to showing up.

Sometimes I think that its hard for women in relationships to understand how the woman that doesn't have one feels. But, you know, that's life.

What happened to New Year, New Man? (For my nosey line sister)

2010-01-16T12:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, so, I didn't want to write about yet another failed dating scenario with me and a guy, so, I just thought I would try and sneak one by you all and not write about the man I spoke of in my new year, new man post. However, my line sister asked about him after I told her the lunch story about the married man. So, here's the deal, when the guy and I first started dating, we mostly met everywhere.

Thus, I had never had a typical date (i.e. guy picks you up, drives you somewhere, ladadada) Well, we finally had what I am calling the typical date. So, the guy picked me up from my house. Now, he comes to the door and I walk out to his car with him. The first problem, and this one can sometimes be excused, but, I was a little disappointed in that he did not open my car door. I know, not a huge deal and certainly not a deal breaker, but something I noticed.

Next thing was...well, before I say this, let me say that I am not a materialistic person and it matters not how much money is in your bank account, but what matters is that you have goals and want things out of life. I don't always expect men to have everything as far the house or degree or any of that stuff. I feel like we can get and have things together. With that being said, I get in his car and there is no radio. Now, he tells me that his car was broken into a month ago and the radio was stolen. I was like a month ago? I could not help but have it run through my brain that you can get car radios with CD players for less than hundred dollars. Now, maybe that wasn't a priority for him, so, maybe I would let him slide...well...until...

we make it to the Beltway/Tollway. It costs about $1.25 or maybe $1.50 to ride the Tollway, and between my house and the movie theater, there are about two toll booth locations. Well, Mister Cheap, decides to ride the feeder all the way to the movie theater, which makes a 15 minute ride take about thirty minutes. So, I let this slide, but I am still thinking, this is ridiculous. I mean, don't invite a girl out if you don't have any money. Now, I understand this may not have been his pay week or something, but if that was the case, he should have caught me when it was. I am still from the old school, especially when it comes to first, second and third dates. Now, once you have an established relationship, you all should share in the entertainment costs, but I don't believe you should in the beginning.

Anyways, we get to the movie and he steps up and pays. I have a movie rewards card where you get free snacks and movie tickets occasionally for going to a particular group of movie theaters. Well, this time, I got a free large popcorn, a free large drink, and a $1 candy coupon. So, I was totally taken care of on the snacks realm. We go to get my free stuff. I get the popcorn and the drink. He says he wants the candy coupon, so, he gets candy, a drink and nachos (I think). He proceeds to drink a huge movie-theater sized drink before the pre-movie commercials even finishes and then asks me how much it costs for drink refills because he still has to get gas to get me home. Ugh. I tell him that I believe they are free and he eagerly goes to get his free refill. Then, we watch the movie. It was Avatar! The best damn movie that I have seen in a long time. In my opinion, I am not sure how anyone could not enjoy that movie. Well, he doesn't seem to really be into it and he seems like he is more concerned that he has paid for movie tickets, a dollar for candy and for nachos. I really think that is why he did not enjoy the movie.

So, he takes me home finally and it's cold as hell. I ask him if we can turn the heat on. He does, but, then, he lets the damn window down after I told him I was cold. Ugh.

So, after that night, I was soooo over him. He wasn't nearly as cute as I first thought. I hate cheap men. I told one of my friends that if he couldn't afford to take me to the movies, then we did not need to be dating. Now, men, in all fairness, I understand that this a recession, but, I work two jobs (yes, I have a PT hustle) to be able to do everything that I want to do and I know that the kind of man that I want, has to have drive and hustle and find ways to make stuff happen and after this date, I didn't think he was that guy. End of story. The curtain closed on him. lol.

Why are all the good men married?

2010-01-14T12:47:00.000-08:00

So, I had lunch today with one of my coworkers. It was really some of the best conversation that I had had with someone of the opposite sex in quite a long time. In fact, so good, that my one hour lunch turned into an hour and a half. Now, I had met this guy before and he has always flirted by doing things like telling me I am beautiful, sending me "hello" messages on the interoffice messenger system and going out of his way to say hello when he is in the corporate office. Now, he doesn't work in my building, but today he had a class at corporate and said he wanted to go to lunch.

Now, I did not know that he was married. Hell, I guess I never paid attention to his ring finger because he totally wears his wedding ring. That is so not like me though, because I always pay attention to that, but, when I first met him, I was actually with my boyfriend at the time, so, that could be why I didn't notice. Then, all the other times, we have seen each other in passing, never long enough for me to do a lot of investigating as most of our communication is virtual.

Anyways, he is of course much older than me, but he doesn't look a day over thirty. I found out in conversation that he is actually closer to 40. But, super cute guy, great conversation, great personality, goal-oriented and has his head on straight. Too damn bad he is married. Ugh. I have got to stay a mile away from him. Seriously.

I wonder why he even invited me to lunch. I mean, what did he expect to come out of it? He's totally taken. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Low tolerance for lazy people

2010-01-09T11:59:00.000-08:00

I have a very low tolerance for lazy people. There is this one girl at my office that is extremely lazy and rude. It really annoys me when people feel like they don't have to do their job. Um, that's what you get paid for.

You get paid to come to work on time and do your job. So often in my group at work, we get these young inexperienced girls (I say girls because most are very young and very immature) who feel like they should be spoon fed. Well, I am sorry. I wasn't spoon fed when I got here and I have continued to work throughout the years, which is why I am valued in my group and why people trust me with big projects and why I have been promoted three times in three years. I am sorry home skillet, but you are new and you need to sit down, shut the hell up and listen. I don't care where you worked before or what titles you held before...we are in the here and now and you are as low on the totem pole as it gets.

This girl in particular, seems like she has something against me...even though I have done nothing too her. I told my boss that I am taking her off of all of my projects because I don't trust her and what's worse I don't like her damn attitude. Right now, she is temporary, so, I can only hope that my management don't make her permanent. Sometimes, it's difficult for management at my Fortune 500 company to cut their losses with dead weight especially since they are not in the trenches working. But, I hear others have complained about her...so, we'll see.

A New Year; A New Man

2010-01-03T06:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, so y'all know that my luck in the relationship realm is extremely bad. So, I tried something new on New Year's Day, I actually responded to an online dating ad. I know...sounds pretty bad huh? Well, don't judge me...but, I have met what could be one of the nicest men that I have dated in years.

Y'all we went to the movies on our first date. It was so wonderful. He is so considerate, constantly checking on me, wanting to open doors and all. When I say chivalry isn't dead. It is definitely not dead in this man. What's better is that I am uber attracted to him. He is such a cutie. He hasn't been in Texas all that long as he grew up in Florida. I am a couple months older then him, but he doesn't strike me as extremely immature like my ex who was only a few days older than me. Now, he does have some growing to do for sure, but, I am open to the possibilities with this one. He is different than the "type" I usually date, but, you know...trying it out...seeing where it goes.

So, our second date was last night. His sister had a fight party at her place. I left my part time gig at the real estate agency and went straight there. (Y'all can't match my hustle in 2010.) But, I digress, so went there and his two sisters welcomed me with open arms. They are both extremely beautiful women. He has one 16-year old sister who is mixed with Korean and black and she is gorgeous and another who looks a lot like a girl version of him (his middle sister) and she too is gorgeous. Because in a lot of ways we are still getting to know each other, we spent the majority of the time talking to each other, completely oblivious to the others in the house (that is except when his middle sister wasn't prodding me with personal questions,which I totally didn't mind). It was a really good night and his sisters kept feeding me and giving me drinks. lol. They totally won me over. They are super cool. Now, I really like this guy but I had to keep myself from envisioning how our wedding would look, what kind of kids we would have together and all the other shit that runs through my mind when I start to like a man.

He seems to be really in deep "like" with me...so, I hope it's genuine. I hope this one works out. I love being independent, taking care of myself and having a successful career, but it's kind of like what Kanye says in that song, all that independent shit, trade it all for a husband and some kids...lmao.

So, I will only be excited in the blog post, I will take it slow and let whatever happens happens and y'all know I will be back on here to tell the story of how he fucks up if he does. lol.

Last night

2010-01-02T10:50:00.000-08:00

I had the best night ever last night. OK...so, here we go AGAIN. I spent some time with a new friend. We watched a movie and relaxed. It felt so good to be able to just spend time with someone without all the added pressure that comes with dating someone new. He seems to be a really nice, sweet, compassionate, interesting person. We will see where it goes.

I won't say much about my New Year's Eve aside from the fact that taking an ex-boyfriend as your NYE date can only remind you of why you broke up with them in the first place and leave you upset at the start of a new year. No more exes in 2010 for me. I have had it.

Happy Holidays to Me

2009-12-26T12:00:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful Christmas holiday. In fact, one of the best in years, but it certainly was not without drama. So, let's start off with the good part. I woke up Christmas morning and put on a brand new outfit courtesy of my mother and got dressed to go to my parents house. After eating a big helping of gumbo, my mother and I went on our visits. We started at my "adopted" grandmother's house. She actually gave me cash, and after spending several hundred dollars buying my teenage brother's Christmas gifts, I welcomed the cash. Cash really is the best gift. We laughed and joked about old times and really enjoyed each other's company. I called my adopted grandma MOMEEE and she is freaking hilarious. Momeee has random outbursts and she drinks her share of gin. You gotta' love the fam. I also got to catch up with my little niece who was home from college.

After that, my mother and I went to visit my dad and my stepmother. There were tons of kids there along with the grown children of both my dad and stepmother. You could tell that my stepmothers children and grandchildren don't have much. I hadn't seen little kids more excited to open gifts. They absolutely loved everything they received. My mom remarked about how sometimes it really makes you see how blessed you are when you see people really appreciative of the little things. So, it totally got me into the Christmas spirit. My dad had made gumbo and it was excellent. I am really trying to grow in my relationship with my Dad. The more and more we see each other and spend time together, I see myself forming a bond with me. I really hope it continues.

From there, we went to my cousin's house where all of our usual card-playing, wine-drinking, blues-listening family members were. It was great. I got to talk, jam to the blues and meet my cousin's fiance. We had a blast.

From there, we did a quick drive by visit to my great-grandmother. She is nearly a hundred and still just as feisty as a 20-year old. Lastly, we ended the night at my mother's childhood best friend's house. It was wonderful to see my "second family." I actually also got to see this really cute guy that I dated a couple of years back. I actually kind of knew he would be there...Y'all dude is so cute. I still have a major crush on him. He is one of those drop dead gorgeous guys who just doesn't know he is beautiful. So, he dates all these random hood girls. I don't quite get it...sigh. I didn't even get his number. Let's hope I looked hot enough to where he will call my mother's friend and ask her for my number....we will see. lol.

So, now the bad...my grandmother is not speaking to me....because all year long she gives me random Avon products that she catches on sale. I never complain about the gifts. I usually just take them, suck it up and smile. Well, this year, I felt like she was insulting me with the Avon stuff because she gave everyone else cash or a gift card and just gathered up some random Avon stuff for me. I am totally not trying to be ungrateful, but, for me, it was not about the gift, but, it was like she didn't even try to put any thought into it. It really made me feel bad. So, I called her and told her about it. Well, needless to say, she got upset...so, not sure when we will be back on talking terms as we both feel justified in our feelings. Oh well!

Am I a hater?

2009-12-22T06:10:00.000-08:00

So, I have to ask...am I a hater? So, there is this pregnant girl at my office and every single morning she comes in and engages in this lengthy discussion about what is going on in her pregnancy. Now, I am all about celebrating the special moments in people's lives, but do I really have to hear every morning how she can't find pants that fit or the sex of her baby. I mean seriously enough already.

I am just not interested in hearing it at all and what's worse is that the admin who sits next to me engages in the madness with her all of the time. I mean we are at work to work...so, shut the hell up and do some damn work. It urks me. Talk to your husband about that crap. The rest of us don't give a damn. Or atleast I don't. Ugh.

Food poisoning sucks

2009-12-20T08:39:00.000-08:00

So, I had the best dinner ever for my birthday at a Houston seafood restaurant named Pappadeux. The food was excellent, the service was great and I was elated to spend time with my close family and friends. I was so happy that everyone showed up. It really made me feel very special. I even received a dozen pink roses from one of my Sorors. It was by far one of the best birthday celebrations that I have had in a while. My line sister even wrote about it on her blog.

So, of course when you have a great celebration with friends, you don't expect to end up puking your brains out the next day. Well, that is exactly what happened to me. I am not sure what it was that I ate, but, I have been up all night throwing up and what's worse is that my temperature this morning was 100 degrees. That's bad right? I always forget what the average temperature for folks is. lol. Anyway, I am super weak, really tired and don't feel like being bothered.

To make things worse, I had to put my new roommate out. I was having too much trouble getting him to pay. And...I don't do no damn bill collecting. So, when he came home last night at 1 a.m. in the morning, I had changed the locks. He sent me a text (while I was barfing into a trash can next to my bed, saying that he tried to get in and couldn't.) Well, no shit Sherlock...you don't pay, you don't get in. Also, the fool gave my key to one of his friends and had the gall to have one of his friends walk into my house with a damn key when he nor I was there. UNACCEPTABLE! I am a single female and this fool letting strangers in. It made me so mad, I was furious as hell. It's kind of sad, because I knew dude was down on his luck and I was trying to help him out...but, I am sorry, you can't live no where for free and I can't stand people that constantly lie and dude lies to no end...so, he had to go.

I like the extra money that comes with roommates, but certainly not the drama. Ugh. Anyways, I am trying not to pass out now as I am sitting at my part time gig. I am really trying to be on this road to financial freedom in 2010. I need to have a real savings and by the end of 2010...I definitely plan to have one...just gotta keep grinding...sick and all...gotta keep grinding. :)

Today is my birthday

2009-12-17T06:02:00.000-08:00

Today is my 27th birthday and when I think about how I felt when I first started this blog back in 2005...many of the same questions that I had about life, about myself, happiness and more are still left unanswered. In many ways, I have accomplished a number of my goals. I am a college graduate from the best school in Texas. I am currently pursuing a masters degree and most recently, I became a homeowner. I have a career and in three years, have been promoted three times. I have definitely found my niche.

God has blessed me tremendously, but what is it about becoming another year older that really makes one assess just how far they have come? I am not sure that I have all of life's questions answered, actually, I am not sure that I ever will. But, the one thing that I have learned in 27 years is that I create my own destiny. On this day, I am reminded of a poem that my sorority sisters and I know very well.

It is Invictus by William Ernest Henley.

Out of the night that covers me,Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

For me, my life is like this poem. It's funny how when I memorized it in college, it didn't have the meaning that it has for me now. For me, the poem means that even during times of trials and tribulations, I stand, unbent and unharmed. I steer my own ship. I am the captain. When I think of all of the trials I have had over the years, whether it be being fired from my job in television, struggling financially, dealing with the failed relationships or fighting to complete the last three courses of my degree, I know that the poem rings true.

My mother asked me this morning if I felt any wiser and I told her no, that I didn't. But you know as I sit here, write this and think back over the past, I am nearly in tears. Tears because I know that I am wiser, stronger and I continue to steer my own damn ship. So, just as God has taken me on a journey for these last 27 years, I welcome any challenges (and of course all the happiness) that will come in the next 27. After all, 27 is the new 17. lol. Happy Birthday to me!

The value in helping others

2009-12-13T12:18:00.000-08:00

I have logged nearly 300 volunteer hours this year and vow to do more next year. The value of community service was instilled in me at a very young age. So, when I was in college, I joined a service sorority and when I started working at the company that I am currently employed for, I participated in every company-sponsored event that I could. I even recently became a court-appointed advocate for a child in CPS custody through a non-profit organization called Child Advocates.

I absolutely love helping others and giving even when at times, I don't have much to financially offer. What I have found is that the one thing that I can always give and that is often more valuable is my time. It is because I love helping people that I continue to find ways to be of service.

Whether it is through a company-sponsored service event, testifying in court on behalf of a wonderful three-year-old boy who cannot speak for himself or simply by offering a hand to someone in need when I can, I know that community service helps. I know that by doing my part in helping others, I too get a benefit. The feeling that I get inside after doing something that I know could touch another life is really the best gift.

I think everyone should have that kind of joy. So, this holiday season, reach out to someone. Volunteer and do your part. I have pledged to do as many acts of kindness as I can. So far, I have participated in an Angel Tree and bought more items than the child had on his list, on Friday, I will be delivering a bundle of gifts to the child that I serve as Guardian ad Litem for, then, next Saturday, I am doing a corporate-sponsored holiday event where food is given to families in need and the following week, my mother and I will be delivering a care package to an elderly woman who we recently decided to adopt.

So...do your part...you will be blessed for it!

Why am I awake at 4 in the morning?

2009-12-12T02:18:00.000-08:00

I have absolutely no idea why I am awake. Please excuse any typos or sentences that run on, along with any sentences that just don't make sense. lol.

Now that I have that out of the way...I went to bed relatively early (about 9pm) and now I am awake and cannot go to sleep. So, after spending about the last hour on a Facebook game called Restaurant City (I am obsessed with it), I am positive that I really need to go to sleep. But, since I know that is not going to happen, I thought I would blog. I guess I am a little stressed at all of the things I have to do this weekend. First off, I have a sorority meeting early Saturday morning. It should be quite a long meeting because it is my last meeting of the year. I hold and Executive Officer position but will be giving that up in 2010 to free up some of my time...Thank the Lord.

As an officer, I serve as co-chair for the Newsletter and Publicity committee. I mention this, because part of my stress has been making sure that all of the girls have a great gift to thank them for their excellent work this year. Well, I had all 12 of our issues of our chapter publication bound for them and it of course includes a special cover that I created. Well, that's done, but, when I get to the meeting at 8:45 a.m. my co-chair and I have to stuff bags for them as there are a number of other little goodies to stuff into our carefully selected pink and green shoulder bags that we will also be giving as gifts. I am also cringing at the fact that I have to get all of the books, my Angel Tree gifts and my co-chair's gifts to the meeting all by myself. ugh. So, once I get through this meeting which will probably end at about 1pm....I will be headed to do some contract work for a Real Estate agency. I took on this contract work to help me with Christmas gifts and such. I will be there for quite some time. Then, I will probably head home and pass out.

On Sunday, I have to go pick up the donated toys for the child who I serve as Guardian ad Litem for through Child Advocates and get them delivered. I also need to find time to go up to my job. We packed up our desks last week so that the facilities guys could move some furniture on our floor....well, I want to unpack all of my stuff this weekend since I have to go to court for Child Advocates on Monday morning and I don't need my desk a mess when I get into work Monday around noon....ugh. The thoughts of all of this stuff make my head swim....so tired...maybe I can get to sleep now that I have got it all out of my system...let's see!

I love my job

2009-12-11T05:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday one of my Facebook posts was that I love my job. I absolutely can say that. As much as I think I would often like to make about 20K more a year, I think that I love what I do. I totally know how it feels to hate what you do...so, loving what you do is very special.

I love my boss. She's very cool. In general, we work very independently. She is not overbearing and I am always sure that when sticky situations arise, she has my back. It's nice to have someone in your corner. Additionally, lately she has made it clear that she is grooming me to one day have her job. She has been letting me be her apprentice so to speak, managing a nearly 10 million dollar advertising budget and overseeing and negotiating contracts for corporate sponsorships. I also somehow manage to get out of some of the mundane daily tasks because she tends to reserve my "expertise" for the more high profile projects.

With that being said, there is always something that you could do without when it comes to jobs. Well, for me, that is totally training new folks. We have these two new contract to permanent girls and I have been asked to show them different tasks here and there. Well, I hate it. My patience runs thin with new people. For example, one of the new girls isn't the sharpest and she has a tendency to want to cut people off while they are explaining things. Well, that makes my skin crawl. Shut up and listen already. I told a co-worker and friend of mine about her and he said I needed to acquire some patience. Well, I was like, she neeeds to understand that you don't get promoted 3 times in three years without being a stellar employee and my training and time for that matter is extremely valuable. The management at my job absolutely loves me and is she wants them to love her too, she is going to have to do better...she needs to take notes, ask questions (once I finish explaining) and don't interrupt me. I was not trying to be cocky...but, that's just how I feel. Ugh...hate training.

It's been awhile

2009-12-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know...it has been awhile. I think once I finally got a career that allowed me to use my writing skills, I have been much less likely to write here...sorry gang.

All is well is my life. Well, that is except for the relationship thing. I can never seem to find, date, keep, and maintain a good man. It is tough. I get all giddy at the beginning of relationships and things always start out going right...that is until something drastic happens (i.e. I am stood up for Thanksgiving, my birthday, dinner or whatever or he decides to sleep with others when we are supposed to be in an exclusive relationship or he can't handle my independence) and then I have to let go of what I thought was good. It is so difficult to find a good man. I have to say that I am a hopeless romantic at heart. I want to believe that my prince charming is out there holding a big bundle of lilies (they are my favorite) and a good glass of wine...but, sometimes, I am just not so sure. It's so hard to go through the ups and downs of dating. One day it seems like it might work and the next it doesn't work out and you are not speaking.

I have consciously decided not to get excited about this new guy that I am dating. He makes me feel all gooey inside and we seem to be getting along quite well, but they all start out that way. I think the stream of bad relationships has turned me into a skeptic. I am over it. But, not so over it, to stop trying. So, instead of jumping in feet first into the pool of "love," I am just going to dip my toe in and see what happens. I don't want to talk about this guy much to friends or family. I won't go posting pics of us out having a great time to FaceBook. lol. You all would laugh at the number of good photos I have deleted after a relationship with a guy soured.

So, in a sense, I am keeping him all to myself. I don't plan to invite him over to meet the family and he probably won't be invited to the family birthday dinner that I am planning. Instead, we can celebrate another day and spend time together. I will let you all know how this new and improved That Girl works out for me!

Daydreaming

2009-08-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

What is the deal blog world? As I sit at my desk on the Friday afternoon, I can't help but daydream. I just got back from a fabulous vacation in Florida and all my thoughts are of the beach, the water, the place and more importantly, the man I went to visit. He was my high school sweetheart and we reconnected on FaceBook of all places. I had just broke up with my boyfriend and he was divorced and homesick. Somehow, the conversation led to me coming down to visit...well, since I had not had a vacation all year...I obliged.

So, I had absolutely no intentions of really doing the long-distance relationship thing when we purchased my plane ticket. However, I have to say, I spent the most fabulous six days of my most recent vacations with him. He was the perfect gentleman...he cooks, he cleans...in fact he is insanely neat and organized...he constantly asked if I was ok...make sure I held his hand in public...it was almost as if he wanted the world to know that I was his girl (atleast, for the duration of the trip)....lol. I am actually considering trying a ....gasp...long distance relationship with him. He is in the military which also makes it a bit tricky...because I would totally have to move to Florida if things really got serious (ie...engagement or marriage).

But, you know at 26 and with nothing really holding me back here in Houston, I am down for it. So, anyways, he is coming down here for Labor Day and I told him I would go back up there at the end of October of beginning of September. Am I crazy to even consider this...whooo...so many thoughts running through my mind about this man. I don't think I have felt this way since the editor that I dated at the TV station several years ago. I am like a little school girl...giddy and all.

Okay, so now for the not so juicy update on the rest of my life. I am not sure if I wrote this but I have recieved two promotions since I began working at my current job 2.5 years ago...I expect make another one come next March...Additionally, my last update said I still had a roommate...well roommate is no more. He's gone...in fact, it turned into a big deal...where the cops had to be called and everything. sigh. But, all is well. Life is still great! My cup is half full!

Life Really is good

2009-06-11T08:24:00.000-07:00

Life has been pretty good for me lately. All is well. I have been at my job for just over two years and what's great is that I still really love it. There are some small annoyances that I have with certain people in my group but overall, it's really good.

I just finished up two big events that I plan for work. This was the first year that I had the opportunity to do them all on my own and both events went off without a hitch. It gave me an opportunity to really shine.

Oh and I can't remember if I told you all that I was promoted....yep, your girl got a promotion. I hope to get another one next year...because, I would just love some more money...in fact, I kind of need it.

I have been in my house for nearly a year and I still have my roommate although he is planning on moving out sometime around August. I also have an almost second roommate - my boyfriend Aaron. He is a really special guy and whats better is that he adores me. He teaches middle school math, science and social studies. He is the same age as me and was born within days of me. His birthday is Dec. 26 and mine is Dec. 17. We probably spend more time than we should together...but, we just can't seem to get enough of each other.

Well, I guess that is all for now... I will get back with you all later.

Wuz up Blog World?

2008-10-21T17:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know I fell off again - don't be too mad at me. Life has been hella hectic with Hurricane Ike and all. I was working sixteen hour shifts and really stressed out. A lot has been happening in my life...so, I will try to cover as much as I can before I start to work on my 20-page paper for my social science course.

I am in the house now and home ownership is the best. I have to admit however, that I never estimated how expensive bills are for homes in addition to mortgage being much higher than what I paid for rent. It has been a bit stressful covering the mortgage, the gas, internet, cable, phone, and water bills and they be out to get you with all those deposits. I thought long and hard and figured that for the first six months, I may need some help... so, I did the unthinkable...gasp, I got a roommate.

OK...so not quite how I planned this whole home ownership thing but a sister gotta have extra money to go out and have a drink every now and then and of course to get my hair done...so, anyways...the roommate just so happens to work at the same company as me. He (yes he) is an brother from the UK with an interesting accent. He is much older than anyone would ever guess in seeing him in person - he was born in 1966. To contrast that, I was born in 1982. So, I am trying to adjust to having him around...initially, I thought he was somewhat attractive, now I think he is too damn bossy. Always trying to tell me how to live my life, how to drive, what food I should eat and how I should feed my dog. (Yeah, I have a dog now!) Overall, though I think he will be OK for at least six months until I get back on my feet financially. I have him paying more than half the mortgage in rent, so, the benefits out way the drawbacks.

Also, work has been interesting. They promoted this girl in my group...so, now there are only two people in my group when there used to be three. Well, the problem is that the bubble head that is left in the group is the biggest dummy you ever want to meet. She is the typical barbie doll, I-think-being-dumb is cute heifer. She annoys the hell out of me...so, my boss has been like a slave driver because she doesn't trust bubble to do any of the more high-profile projects. It's stressful, but I pray that come March it will result in a serious raise for a sister...because I am surely overworked and underpaid...so, y'all pray for me...because they brought me into an entry level position even though I had almost three years broadcast experience because they did not consider that experience applicable to my current job - so, I know I am one of the lowest paid people in my department and what eats me even more is that the bubble head is supposed to be a senior level person.

As if the dumb fake boob idiot is not enough - the chick that got promoted does not want to transition her more higher profile jobs to me. She is now in internal communications and I am in the external group. Well, the problem is that she loves external but only took the internal gig so that she could be a manager. Sigh....she just needs to let go...hell, she already got her promotion...give the rest of the world a chance.

Also, Hurricane Ike damaged my home a bit. I still need some roof repair. I have already fixed the fence around the back yard and I have a minor leak in the closet - so much for a new house...damn hurricanes.

Well, I think I gave you all a good idea of what's going on with me...I will be writing again soon.

Marching to the beat of my own drum

2008-08-28T08:11:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I hear and march to my own drum right now.

Things are going well. I thought I would update you all with a few quick thoughts.

1. I close on my house tomorrow. Thank God. It seems like it has been forever and I was nearing insanity...so, I am so glad that it has come to an end. My new love is my new home.
2. I officially have my first grad school assignment (before class starts). I have to read a book and about 50 pages that the professor sent over a PDF and it is due the Monday after Labor Day.
3. I am taking off Friday and Tuesday to move. Some vacation. I hope all the transfers go well. Moving is hella expensive.
4. I am a bit overwhelmed at the moment with grad school, new home, finances and sorority duties/tasks...sigh.
5. I am praying that everything works out for me. Talk to you all soon! (Well, as long as AT&T doesn't play with my internet transfer...lol)

If my boss doesn't care...

2008-08-12T06:49:00.000-07:00

Ok, so as much as I love my job, sometimes my Vice President is so annoying. So, this morning, I got in about 730 a.m. I am always early - I am supposed to be here by eight. Well, my VP comes in at 8 a.m. and he speaks to everyone which is really his way of taking roll call to see who is in the office. He always makes comments when I am not at my desk to say "hello" so that he knows I am here on time.

Normally, I just shrug it off because my boss has told me on numerous occasions that she does not care what time I come or go as long as I get my work done. Now, I am probably one of the hardest working people in this department. I constantly take on extra projects and assignments and I never complain - well atleast not to people at work. So, today I was annoyed when he made the comment like I was late when I wasn't. I was here on time. So, I told him that I ran downstairs to go to the bank - which I did. He was like oh ok. It's not a crime to not be at your desk. I was like you are darn skippy. Leave me the hell alone.

Don't you just hate people who take it upon themselves to enforce the times you come and go? I mean for the most part, I don't have to deal with that because my department is the pretty lax on that sort of thing but his comments today really bothered me. I have been here for about a year and a half and I can count on one hand the number of times I have called in sick or been late...so, give me a break dammit.

I just wanna be happy

2008-08-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

This morning while driving to work I listened to the Destiny's Child song, Happy face. Every day isn't promised and it seemed like more than usual I woke up with a smile on my face. Happy to see another day. Happy to be awake.

I can't say that anything extraordinary happened this weekend that really made me happy because I stayed home almost the entire weekend. I only left once to participate in a Bowl-a-thon benefitting Junior Achievement Saturday morning.

Although I am much happier than I was when I started this blog - sometimes I wonder what it will take for me to reach the true capacity of my happiness. What is it that will make me the happiest? Will it be marriage? Will it be being promoted at work? Will it be achieving that masters degree? What is it? What will be the determining factor in my happiness?

Hearing the news of Bernie Mac's death truly brought some of these thoughts to the forefront in my mind. I like to think that I am worthy and capable of complete happiness...but, sometimes, I feel like the happiness train has come to everyone else but not me...I often wonder why that is. Why is it that other people seem to figure it out and I always seem to miss the train?

My oh so boring life

2008-08-07T06:16:00.000-07:00

Well, things have been going well with me. I managed to avoid working a 3a.m. shift for Tropical Storm Edouard which is fabolous. I am about three weeks from officially being a new homeowner which has me stressed the heck out...but, I just keep telling myself to relax, relate, release. It's hard though. I have to get the homeowner's insurance which is waaaay to expensive, sell some of my furniture (I don't want to take some of my old stuff to the new house) and come up with the dreaded down payment. I am still a little bit short...but, I have a couple checks before I have to actually sit down for closing. In addition to all of the costs associated with the home, I still owe some money on my tuition for my very first semester of grad school...which is also extremely expensive...so, I need some prayer.

Let's all take a moment of silence for my sanity. HUUUUUUUUUUUUUM....OK enough! :)

There are just so many things on my mind and the workload at work has really picked back up. Clients are annoying me left and right and believe it or not - actually expecting me to meet deadlines. Who ever heard of such a thing?

My brother (who is in Iraq) is also driving me nuts with all of his demands. Sadly, since he divorced his wife, I have become his financial secretary of some sorts and I cannot wait until he returns home to take control of his own money and his own issues. Two of his kids automatically get child support but one of the kids does not. So, he decided to make arrangements with that baby's mother to give her a certain amount of money every month. Well, this is good, the only problem is that every time he decides he doesn't want to pay her....he wants me to tell her and look like the bad guy. So, this month, I said NO. You made the arrangements with her so you tell her that this month you don't want me to give her the money. It ended up being this big ordeal when he didn't tell her and she kept calling me like a bill collector. Now, I changed my number to avoid the harrassment of men and people that I do not want to talk to...so, the last thing I need is for someone to be calling me about money...she's not my bill collector. So, I was furious with him. Big dummy.

So, besides those things...I am good.

Does anyone have a 3-month rule?

2008-07-30T05:47:00.000-07:00

You know how Joan on Girlfriends does. It would be nice to think that a woman (and a man for that matter) could actually wait three months. Each time I begin a new relationship with a man, I set a time in which I would like to wait to have sex...whether it be a month, couple weeks or whatever. I have often thought that sex too soon was the root of many of my failed relationships. I have found that the older you get the more difficult it is to set those type of self-imposed timelines on a relationship. The problem with that is that as you get older (or at least this is the case for me) you (mostly probably females - don't kill me men) want to be in a relationship and unfortunately, sex too quickly can ruin the prospect of a successful relationship.

I can remember my freshman and sophomore year of college when sex for me was much different. For me, I probably had the traditional male ideas when it came to sex. For me, it wasn't as if I had to be in a relationship to have sex. In fact, I only had one relationship in college - for most of my junior year and all of my senior year, so, if I looked at sex the same way that I do now, I would have been a very unhappy lady throughout half of my time in college.

So, now as a 25-year-old woman (I told my mom the other day that I was knocking on 30) how do you balance the needs and desires that you have sexually and the desire to sustain a long-term relationship. Are people out there really waiting? Are there three month rules or others? Do we have some sort of relationship litmus test to determine when we should have sex? I am just asking because clearly I don't have the answer - the queen of failed relationships... I will however, say that old dude is still around...and he still makes me smile every time I see him.

My trip to the emergency room

2008-07-28T06:13:00.000-07:00

Well, first off, don't be alarmed. I am ok. My weekend actually started off pretty normal. I did a Habitat for Humanity build with the grad student association. It was actually a lot of fun and a lot of hard work. I never knew how serious the stuff is. I mean they actually trusted me with putting up walls for some poor soul's home. It was exciting at first - that is until you feel like you are exhausted from hammering and like you are about to pass out from the scorching hot sun. I could never do that job to make a living. Thank God for my job in an air-conditioned corporate office. I hung in there though and kept working. I was determined/

By the time I made it to lunch, I was so hungry, I could have eaten just about anything. I had saw dust in my hair, sun screen caked on my body, shoes and jeans stained with mud but a feeling of happiness whenever I thought about the family that I was helping. Once I left the build, I went home and took a nap (or atleast it started out that way.) I was supposed to meet my friend at a greek picnic but didn't actually make it there.

I slept until about three in the morning when I was awaken by sharp jolts of pain in my stomach. I called my mom about six and told her that I was having some weird stomach pains and that I felt like if they continued that I probably should go to the doctor. She knew that something must have been seriously wrong because I hate going to the doctor and would never go (outside of my annual check-ups) unless something was seriously wrong. I told her that I wanted to wait for another hour just to see if the pains got worse. She called me back in 20 minutes and said that she was coming to pick me up and take me to the emergency room. Now, I haven't been to the emergency room since I was about five and cut my foot climbing a fence. (Don't ask - I was bad) So, for me this was big. I went in and the examined me and said that I must have had some kind of stomach infection, they gave me some Morphine (or maybe condeine, I can't remember) and sent me home and said to come back if the pains got worse or I experienced any excessive vomitting. So, that was my little adventure for the weekend - Habitat for Humanity and the Emergency room.

I found my blog alter ego

2008-07-25T07:51:00.001-07:00

http://imsinglesowhat.wordpress.com/

Kool-Aid smile

2008-07-24T06:57:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with the biggest, brightest Kool-Aid smile. I just couldn't help smiling. So, I hesitate to write this because just as soon as I hit publish who knows what can happen, but - I will do it anyway.So, there is a guy that I have been dating for a few weeks. I haven't really told anyone about him because guys come in and out of my life so quickly that I just gave up on sharing information with friends, family and loved ones.

However, I like this one and I have to tell someone, so why not the blog world?Last night, I cooked him dinner - which is something I generally don't do until I have been dating a man much longer. Mostly because I get so sick of men feeling like they are entitled to having a woman cook for them. It's almost as if they think they deserve it simply because they are a man. Well, usually with me....you have to show me that you deserve it and that usually takes a while.But, I cooked for this guy because I really wanted to make him happy.

We have been out on several dates now and of course, he paid for everything and constantly checked to make sure that I was ok...so, I felt like the least I could do was return the favor and do something nice for him. Well, I made shrimp etoufee (both of our favorite dish) and he ate it and complimented the chef multiple times. I loved it. An appreciative, attractive man that compliments me all the time, well that is all right up my alley.

This guy is different because he is not the typical guy that I date. I usually date college-educated professional men. He did not go to college (although he just enrolled) and he was in the Air Force for 8 years, now works in sales. Although he isn't exactly what I am accustomed to, I think that is what I like most about him. I am really reevaluating what I need in a mate. I think I am doing this because for all of these years, I have dated the same type of guy and look where that has gotten me....it has left me with nothing more than a string of unhappy relationships and feelings of uneasiness.

I told one of my good friends this and she said something like well, you know you have to think about if the man can provide for you and help you to maintain your standard of living. She is a real know-it-all type and I can't say that I disagree with her thoughts and I have considered those things as well. However, when I listen to this man and hear him talk about goals and life paths, something about the way he says it all leads me to believe him...I can't help it. Besides, who am I to say that because he didn't go to college and because he didn't do it the way that I did it - that he's no good. Hell, it took me 7 years to finish my undergraduate degree...so; I just want to open my eyes to other possibilities. Am I crazy or what?

How do you know if it's love...really?

2008-07-22T06:03:00.000-07:00

You know as I was in bed last night I thought about this. I wondered if I have had so many failed relationships that if the time really came and I found him - would I recognize him as such? You know the him that I mean. The him that makes our toes curl everytime we see him or the him that constantly makes us feel complete. The him that speaks of you and him as we instead of I. I wonder if I am not so messed up from all the other jerks that have come in and out of my life that I can still recognize a good thing? There's a song on the new (sort of new) Mariah Carey album called "Thanks for Nothing" and I think it puts it best when I am thinking about the many men of my past.

It's so easy for me to understand a woman who wants to express her thanks for the "nothing" that all of the men she has dated have given her. Although it is easy for me to understand her....is it easy for me to understand the flip side of that? The flip side being a kind, considerate, passionate man who wants to spend time with me. The kind that takes me to the movies on Monday nights after taking me to dinner on Friday and playing cards together after. You know, even the kind that I can play Monopoloy with or playfully kiss. The kind that has goals and will stop at absolutely nothing to make me happy.

For what it's worth - what is love and are all those people out there that I see in restaurants, malls and at parties really experiencing it or are they just pretending? Have the settled for the best that they think they can get?

I don't want to settle. When I take that walk down the isle, I want to know that I am marrying my best friend, my lover, the best possible match for me...but can I really identify who that is?

The Return of That Girl

2008-07-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

Hello blog world. I know I have been MIA for quite some time now...but I am BAAAAAAAAACK!

My life is so different now since the last time I wrote. Things are going well. I have been on my current job as a Corporate Communications Representative for a year and a half now. I work in the advertising and sponsorship group and I love every minute of it. Periodically I work weekends and I sometimes run into photogs or reporters that I used to work with in the news and it reminds me over and over again that News was just not for me.

I finally received that Bachelor of Journalism degree and believe me it was a struggle. In order to finally complete the classes I needed for my degree, I took classes while working as an intern at my current job. It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. The best thing is that once I completed the degree, I had a job offer at my current employer. It was truly a blessing to be fired from that assignment editor gig that I hated. Now, I actually have co-workers that I like and a boss who appreciates my hard work.

Guess what else? I start grad school next month. I am the newest grad student at Rice University. It is truly a blessing. Additionally, I am in the process of purchasing a new home. It'll be all my own. I may be eating noodles for the first month and in desperate need of a manicure but in the end it will be great.

As is accustomed with me, I still don't have a fabolous guy in my life, but, I am still dating and one day I hope my Prince Charming will come along. That's all for now! Later.

Always Looking

2007-05-07T13:20:00.000-07:00

I feel like I am always looking or in search for something. Whether it be that man who will love me regardless of all my faults, that job that will make me feel successful, that friend that will accentuate the positive things in my life, or that outfit to make me look just right.

I am so tired of looking for things. I want to to for once in life be able to just be happy being. For the past two months, I feel like I have been more depressed and more in search of myself than ever. You know, the irony in it all is that when I started this blog I started it in an effort to flesh out my feelings and allow myself to release all that my mind had to offer onto a page where people couldn't judge me because they didn't know the real me. I look back to some of my very first blog entries and the way I felt then....all of the hurt and emotion that goes into finding one's self and asserting independence...has come back to the forefront of my life.

I had my so-called best friend tell me yesterday that I deserved to have men treat me the way they do because it is my own actions that make them disrespect me. Well, I don't believe that. I do not and will not believe that I am not worthy of a healthy relationship because I have made mistakes in how I respond to men. It hits you at home when someone who you reveal the most intimate details of your personal life to decides that they have the right to judge you.

Judgment or not, mistakes or not....I deserve better. I deserve a good man. I deserve the job of my dreams. I deserve all that and then some. It is sometimes so hard for me to believe in myself or my own abilities. I begin to question why should I have all the things......It is that constant inner battle between who you are and who you want to be.........

I am not sure that I will ever have a feeling of fulfillment. What happens when you never feel fulfilled?

State of Emergency

2007-03-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

My life was in a state of emergency and I had the choice to either sink, swim, or lay down and cry about it. I chose to swim.

I knew my boss did not like me. I knew that I did not like the job, the people I worked with, or the hours. I started to look at other jobs or positions that afforded me everything that I had not had at the job at the station and I found a new position in HR.

Well, I should be clear to say that I was fired from my old job. I came in on last Thurs and my boss walked me up into a big conference room with the news director and they both informed me that I was being terminated. The funny thing is that I did not feel sad. I did not have anymore tears to cry. I said ok and walked out. It was over. I felt relieved. I felt excited and anxious about what my next move would be. I no longer had to work on weekends or work nights. It was all over....but with the lost of the job came many thoughts of who I was. I had always defined myself by my career. I saw myself as successful. I was 24 years old making fairly good money for a a single young professional....

So, without the job...who was I? I was a young, inexperienced woman, without even as much as a man to lean on in times of trouble. So, I leaned on God. I prayed and asked for help....God and I had not been talking lately...but as they say, in times of trials and tribulations you lean on what you know best. I started looking at entry level positions and begin to look at some HR positions. I figured that in an HR role I could use many of the skills that I accquired in news and what was better I would be on the other side of the desk. It took me only a week to find a new job. I make equivalent money, I work Mon-Fri (no weekends or nights) , and I think that I will really like the people that I work with....

I see it as a new beginning...a new opportunity at living....another shot at happiness...

I hate my life!!!

2007-03-08T19:40:00.000-08:00

I am so unhappy right now....so very very unhappy. I hate my job...the guy that I want to be with lives in Guam...I feel lonely most of the time...ugly even more of the time and as if I am not on track to be successful....and these damn braces hurt like hell.

The problem is that I am not sure how to fix it. I am not sure if I am doing what it is that God has out there for me. There has to be something better for me. Right?

Today is just a gloomy gloomy day...let's hope that tomorrow is better.

I got braces today

2007-03-06T11:24:00.000-08:00

So, I got braces today.....and I finally am able to eat. I am eating a soft taco right now and although I am hungry as hell....this is the nasty damn taco that I ever ate. I am not sure how this whole braces thing is going to work out. I thought it was a good idea but the look of the these things are horrible. My friend just told me that my "mouth is out of commission." I was like you freak what the hell does that mean. He was like I meant because you talk so much and then he laughed but that other way too....He is a fool. I am not sure that braces will do anything for my social life....but considering that it is slowly deteriorating anyway...I may as well invest in myself...I am gonna try and take a picture of my mouth for you all to see later.

I have been on vacation since Friday....well sort of. I took a family day Friday and took vacation on Saturday and Sunday and Mon and Tues are my normal off days. I have finally cleared my mind of all the work hoopla. I sent my boss this 4 page memo about how I have improved. I figure just because I do not like my job does mean that I am not going to fight to keep it. I can't wait until his ass calls me in his office. I am coming in with the guns blazing.

My boss is really a jerk and so are those assholes that I work with. I sent out an email thanking them all for assisting me in taking the family day Friday. See, my grandfather has cancer and he has been in the hospital....so, I sent them a note because I knew they would think that I just wanted a longer vacation which a part of me did....anyway, I sent the email out just to kind of be snotty like I didn't make the shit up you assholes and only one of their bitch asses responded....

My military man is here for another week and I am so excited.....we have been spending way too much time together. What the hell am I going to do when he goes back? I am going to be so sad...I think he and I make the best couple....and I could so easily fall for him....sigh....

I am still eating this nasty ass taco....actually, I know it is not the taco but these damn braces...I will write more later.

Don't Know what the Day holds---my ramblings

2007-02-28T10:25:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a day where you woke up and you are just not quite sure what the day will hold. Well, that is how I feel today...I feel as if anything could happen. It not quite a good or bad feeling but just a feeling that something....will in fact happen.

Anyways, I had a really good couple of off days and I have cleared my mind. I had dinner with two friends....one old friend (my soldier) and a new one (That Dude)....and I just let go of all of my worries about my job. What is even better is that I only have to work two days this week and then I will be taking a few days vacation...yay for that.

I am trying to move forward and let go of the past today. I am trying to be optimistic. I am trying to be the person that I used to be.....you know the kind of girl that everyone wants to hang out with. The kind of woman that speaks her mind but is still very likeable. I want to just find my former self. I think that lately I have felt lost....lost in what I think I should be doing or lost in attempting to behave the way that I am expected to behave. I feel like screaming that Mary J song...I can only be me....yeah...take me....take me as I am......

I wish that the world were that easy and that everyone took you as you are...and accepted you for all your faults.....that would be my version of perfectness....

Put on my happy face!

2007-02-25T08:52:00.000-08:00

Today, I felt like singing that Destiny's Child song happy face. "I woke up this morning the sunshine was shining and put on a happy face...."

I just felt really good and I am not quite sure why. I think it is because I have let go of it all. I am trying to let God do what he has to in my life. If it is his will for me to be in the job...then let his will be done and if it is not then there is something better out there waiting for me.

I went to visit my Godparents last night along with my Godfather's nephew. My Godfather introduced me to his nephew who just graduated from a school on the East Coast and has moved to Houston....so, anyways, the guy is really cool and asked me if I wanted to go with him to visit them. I reluctantly agreed.

It was so good that I did because my Godmother works in HR and I told her about my issues at work and she made me feel so much better. She just had an unbiased view and all of her comments seemed to be very helpful. I think after talking to her it became very easy for me to let go of it all.

After we left, the guy and I went back to my apartment and just talked and laughed for hours. It was a good feeling. It really lifted my spirits.

So, now I have accepted what I have to accept and I am moving from there....I am putting on my happy face!

I think I may need a new direction

2007-02-24T10:46:00.000-08:00

So, just as I think that I am doing a good job and that this position is not as bad as it seems.....I have a day like yesterday. My boss called me into his office and said that I had a bad week and listed about four things that I did wrong last week. He just completely overlooked all the stuff I did do well last week like the exclusive story that I got us..... He is a very hard person to work for.....I just think now it is getting a little ridiculous and I feel like everyone is rooting for me to fail. It's like he is just picking and picking. I came into work this morning and I felt so defeated...so upset. There were probably three of four calls that I should have made follow up calls on but I decided not too....I just spent the majority of the day emailing my resume to other jobs. I also plan to take a family sick day next week and go with my grandfather to the doctor (on top of all of this he was diagnosed with cancer last week)....I called in sick this past wed and I know my boss may have something to say but I do not care. It is time to take care of me and my needs. Fuck them and fuck him.

I feel like he is trying to hold my job over my head. I have been bending over backwards to try and do everything that he says and he still wants me to do more. Hell, if I bend anymore then I will break. I need a job but I do not need this job. I was in tears yesterday when I drove home from work. I used to feel so strong. I used to feel like I could conquer the world. I feel like I have lost that tenacity. I feel like I keep attempting to crawl up to the top and just as I reach the level where I think that I am doing good and all is well....that's when I get sucker punched and knocked back down.

That bitch ass sorry excuse for a weekend producer had the ordasity to complain about something that she says I told a reporter. I can not stand that hoe...she is so two-faced...so annoying and on top of this....she does not deserve her job but there is no one on her ass constantly like my overbearing micro-managing boss.

I told my mom (while in tears) that I can not take it anymore. I told her that I wanted to stick it out and that I did not want people to get the best of me. I told her that I had figured that I would just keep striving to do and be more....but that now I am not so sure that is the best decision. I did not want to face the reality that I may possibly be fired from any job.....especially since I never have been. However, when my boss told me that I have one more week until my probation is up and that he was not going to "just carry me along unless he knew that I was capable of doing the job," it hit me....I finally understood that I have to take control of my life and my happiness is more important than any job. Sure, I have some certain essential requirements in a job....basically, I need to be able to cover my living experiences.

I have decided that I want out of the news business. I have also decided to actively search for other employment. My basic requirements are that bad and I should be able to find something better.....I just want to not be stressed out as much and do my job and be off on the regular weekends and holidays. I sent my resume to several people today and yesterday...on Monday, hopefully, some of those people will begin to call me back.

I am going to have to close this chapter of my life before I have a heart attack. I went to dinner with this man last night and completely kept zoning out thinking about this job and what the future holds for me. I could not even focus and the sad part is that this is how my life feels now...unfocused....I really like the guy too....he is a guy I should be excited about but with all of the stuff going on with my job, I hardly have time to be excited at all. I hardly have time to focus on me....I am about to make a change that could change the course of my life....please pray for me.

The Return of Me

2007-02-21T11:37:00.000-08:00

Okay, so my life has not been all that interesting lately...so, I have not been writing. However, since I called in today and I am doing an online defensive driving course....I have a little bit of time. This is really for That Dude!

Let's see....well, my brother has now gotten married. I absolutely adore his new wife. She is teaching my brother about responsibility. They had a reception last weekend and luckily my friend that is in the military who lives in Guam was here. He actually has been in and out of town. He is outside of Dallas doing some training and has been coming home every weekend. He will be here on leave in March and we will get to spend some more time together.

I am so excited. My mother says that he is the closest thing that I have to a boyfriend. He sent me flowers on Valentine's Day. It was hilarious because I woke up so cranky and did not want to hear anything about any flowers or candy. I just knew that no one was going to give me anything or think about me at all. However, my grandma gave me this big box of chocolates before I went to work that night and then I got a call from my mother that I had flowers delivered to their house. I was so excited that I asked her to read the card and of course they were from my military man. I was happy but I just wish he live here. I am so tired of the men that I like being away or some other way unavailable....sigh.

Anyways, my boss has done a complete turn-a-round at work. He thinks I am doing a very good job. I called in sick today and I hope that doesn't affect that....anyways, I just overdo everything and he loves it. I still hate the job. I hate the people. I hate the work. It is funny because he asked me if I liked the job the other day and said that it is not always easy to tell if I enjoy the job. Of course I lied and said that I do....but I don't. But what person in their right mind would tell their boss that they hate their job. Hey, I hate it but I am not stupid. I like it when it is paying all my bills.

I tried to get a new car last week. I got approved but the note they wanted me to pay was just way to high. I guess it was a sign that I am not ready for the extra bill. I already have added extra bills with this new apartment. I had free cable at my other apt...like free because it was on when I got there and I never asked questions....however, now I have to pay for cable. I am also getting braces next month...so, that will be an added bill...

I just don't want to do too much...so, I will hold off.

I am in the process of trying to loose some weight....I went to the doctor for my annual check up and realized that I weigh 145lbs. I really want to be back at about 130 or so. I have been feeling really fat lately and my clothes seem to be getting tighter and tighter.

Other than that...life is good.

MIA

2007-01-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

I know I have been MIA....but the two bitches that I work with have been at it again and have my boss on me big time.

So, I have been working diligently just to keep my job. I am also in the process of moving. This will be my second apartment as an adult. Yay.

Anyways, work has been really tough lately...I got called into my bosses office and that little bitch that applied for my job had been telling him all this stuff about me...so, he sort of had a list and his dumb ass tells me that he does not have time for me to get better....I was like what the fuck does that mean? I was soooo mad....but anyways, I basically got written up and told to do better....quickly. I really hate my job and the people that I work with. What do you do when you hate your job and the people? I just do not have the strength to look for another job and the reality of it all is that if I look for another one, I am not sure that I could make as much money anywhere else (atleast at my experience level)....plus, I am 24 and changing jobs every year is not going to do anything for my resume. I need to be here for atleast two and a half years and then I can move around and tell them to kiss my ass.

I have been so stressed about the job, moving, and I have been seeing this new needy guy (more stress).

I have just been praying. I have been praying that God will give me clarity in judgment and that God shields me from the bitches that I work with. Sometimes I want to tell the 26 year old bitch that applied for my job that she needs to take her bitch ass back to school if she is mad because she didn't get the job....or maybe try doing better bitch...the thing is, if I get fired today....they still would not promote her ass...the problem is that she doesn't see that.

Life is Good

2007-01-06T08:52:00.001-08:00

Life for me is really good lately. I made a New Year's resolution to enjoy life more and I really have been. I started off with a bang on New Year's Eve going out with my friends. It was great....we got completely wasted and had a really good time.

I am actually dating now...probably for the first time ever.....I am dating a few good prospects. It is fun being able to choose who I want to hang out with and hanging out with men that are all so different.

Work is okay....I feel like I get better every day and overall I am happy. So, there is my update. I am floating high on a cloud. 2007 is my year. It is destined to be my year and I am unstoppable.

What I am Thankful For

2006-12-24T13:28:00.000-08:00

I know, you normally would say what you are thankful for on Thanksgiving. However, on this soggy Christmas Eve day at the station. I tried to think of the brighter things...more uplifting things...working on holidays sucks but 2006 has been a good year for me and I am thankful for many things.
-I am thankful for a healthy family including my three brothers, mom, dad, and grandparents.
-Although I am working on the holidays, I am thankful for having a job to pay bills.
-I am thankful for being able to finish off getting the last items on my brother's Christmas list.
-I am thankful for family members who will have a meal waiting for me when I get off tonight.
-I am thankful for a brother that has not been deployed and send out all of my prayers and well wishes to those that have lost loved ones fighting for our freedom.
-I am thankful for my line sisters who have always loved me unconditionally.
-I am thankful for great friends like Mark who think enough of me to remember my birthday and Christmas....
-Although some people do not like me, I am grateful for those that love me.
-I am thankful for being able to see my niece recently.

I am sure there are more things...but I have been blessed this year more than I can imagine.

Long Time

2006-12-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

Okay, so, it has been a long time since I wrote. Sorry guys...

Anyways, I had a great time in New York. The vacation was much needed and much deserved. Now, I am back to work. These are a few pics. I saw the World Trade Center site, got pulled to the VIP section at the Today Show and watched Beyonce perform, rode the "train" and a lot more. It was a great experience and now I can honestly say that I would never want to move to New York. It is great to visit but never to live.

The best part about the trip was that on my flight from Houston to Atlanta, I met a sports agent....who happens to fly all over the place and is actually in town today...so, I hung out with him earlier and actually will prob see him tonight.

I had a rocky start coming back to work this week...long story...but it almost made me want to go back on vacation.

What else, um, my brother is officially in the military. He finished basic training and I am officially a nervous wreck. Please pray for him y'all....

Will write more later....

It still hurts and I do not know why

2006-11-27T16:42:00.000-08:00

I just got off the phone with this producer from my old station and she just happened to mention that she had talked to the editor and that he was talking about how he has a new girlfriend that is a virgin and that is beautiful and he loves her...sigh.

Why is it that that one statement hurts so much. The fact that he has moved on should not surprise me....why is it that the thought of him with another woman still hurts even a year later or hearing that she was a virgin hurts as well because I had sex with him. I was not precious enough for him...spiritual enough...Godly enough....Did I actually believe that he would not have moved on...he was supposed to move on right? Why haven't I moved on? Why don't I have some great guy to talk about in my life? I don't get it. Why can't I say fuck him and move on...why are the wounds still fresh?

It could be worse

2006-11-26T20:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, so my job has been really stressful the last couple of days. Saturday was the worst day ever. I had a screaming match with the bullshit ass weekend producer. I was so mad. I cannot stand her. She threatened to go to my boss on me and I called him in front of her. She was upset. I am much calmer now and I had a great day at work today. The bitch barely talked to me...but, I like it better that way.

However, I have been watching her ass. So, I figured out that she and the little bitch who comes in in the afternoon to relieve me have been conspiring to get me in trouble...so, I have just been crossing my T's and dotting all my I's. It is so funny, I am not a hard to get a long with person. People love me but these two are out to get me. The relief girl or my desk assistant applied for my job so I know her motive and the producer just wants people to do whatever dumb shit that she wants them to do and listen to her bitch and take her rude comments. Well, I was fed up with it completely. So, I blew a socket.

I really have no friends at this new job...no one I can really trust. Oh what I would give to have someone having my back the way the editor did....because it never mattered how much of a bad day that I had had...he could always make me feel better and show me the light at the end of the tunnel.

There is however, this new black reporter...he is a great guy....he came to me today and said that he was having a hard time being the new guy. See, our station is completely reporter driven and the reporters are pushed to have story ideas...so, if you have only been in town for a few weeks it is a little hard for one to come up with great ideas...I told him I would send him anything that I thought of. Hell, I am still relatively new and I feel him about being new...it fuckin' sucks....so, I sent him all the ideas that I could come up with. I really hope that I helped him out. Maybe he can be my new friend because right now I do not trust them bitches further than I can throw them.

I have always persevered in times of trials though. In fact that is why my favorite quote is "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I will not let them get to me.

In fact although I had the big argument with the producer yesterday at work... I came in energized and ready to work...and in fact, one of my wonderful stories ideas worked out...I worked so very very hard....I was pulling info on the Hippa laws and helping a reporter do background work as well as moving my photographers all over...I was like....no one is going to tell me that I cannot do my job...no one....I mean if I could get through pledging and taking all the bullshit that I did...this stuff should be a cakewalk.

I needed to put my foot down....so, I am great and I will be on Vacation starting Saturday. I am going to be in NY until Thurs...then I will go to Columbus, Georgia to see my brother graduate from the military...then I will come back on Saturday and be back to work on Sunday. I am so excited, so it could be worse...I could have to see the heifer next weekend.

5 Work Days and Counting...

2006-11-25T11:27:00.000-08:00

I am exactly five days and counting away from my trip to New York City and no one is about to take my joy away.

Not even the rudest bitchiest producer that I have ever met.

I swear people that do not do my job do not understand how hard I work to get things done around here.

I need to just be taken away from all the annoying idiots that think they know how to do my damn job.

Skeptical

2006-11-07T10:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, so after realizing that I might have sounded a bit out of in the last post...I am updating....So, my boss still gets on my nerves...that has not changed and my tolerance for men and bullshit is still very low.

Anyways, this past weekend...after I had a tough day at work...my best friend invited me to meet this guy she is seeing and his friend for dinner and drinks. So, I went along. When I got to the restaurant, I was suprised to see that there was a very attractive man sitting at the table with my bf's guy. He started off really well....he asked if I wanted a drink as soon as I sat down. Now, this is extremely different from the loosers I have been seeing. So, I ordered a drink. It was like my friend and her guy were not even there because the entire time me and the "entertainer" were talking.

I am going to call him the entertainer because through our conversation I learned that he writes songs and he is coming out with an album next year. He wrote songs on some really high profile rapper's CDs. After I did a little online research, I discovered that he is already a pretty established writer and well known. Anyways, normally I would run from a guy without a regular 9-5 but this one got to me. From looking at him, you would never expect the intelligent, deep, thought-provoking things that came from his mouth. He looks like the typical stereotype....young, minority, bling-bling wearing kind of guy wo loves money, cars, and excess....which is very far from the kind of men that I like. However, this one was a refreshing surprise.

He talked about his feelings on the Iraq war, death penalty, creating a fence to go around the Texas/Mexico border....I was like what the hell? I work in the news and he almost knew more about this stuff than me....oh, I had really met my match. He went on to tell me that he is more of a home person and that he does not like to go out this much. I am like great because that is sort of right up my alley. He said that he only goes out when he is doing promotions or to his favorite spot every now and then. He told me about his past relationship....told me about his future goals....everything....it just sounded to good to be true. Like he had to be a match right? I even told him about the editor and how hurt I was. He said that the editor didn't deserve me.

Anyways, we talked and I was enjoying all the things that he said but still very skeptical...because of my recent bad experiences with men.

So, my girl and I ordered dinner. It was nice and this was a really nice restaurant...the guys ate before we got there but wanted us to eat anyway

The funny thing was he didn't ask for my phone number at the end of dinner. He said, "Put my number in your phone." It wasn't up for discussion. He wasn't asking...he was taking control and I loved it. I gave him the phone. He put the number in and asked the waiter for the check. Did you get that part? He asked for the (I am guessing $200) check and what was even better was that he paid without HESITATION.

Then, he walked me and my girl to the car...told me that he was feeling me and wanted to take me to dinner, get to know me, spend time with me....I was like "wow!" Of course, I did not say it though.

Sick and Tired....of men

2006-11-01T18:01:00.000-08:00

Today has not been the best day. So, first of all....I am rudely awaken by a phone call from my boss at about 7am to ask me a question about what crew was covering something for the day. He said that I did not leave a note. (which I discovered when I got in that I had) So, I was not happy to be called at 7 in the morning when I was at the station until 1030pm the previous night.

That was just the start of the bad day. So, I let this guy sleep over last night. The guy has been really hanging around a lot... Anyways, he had to get up early....he is a parole officer and had to see an offender early...so, he made enough noise to wake me as well....this did not make me happy.

I tried and tried to get back to sleep and could not get to sleep....so, I started to watch television and woke up about 1230pm...I have to be to work at 2pm...so, I got up and got dressed. I then get a call from the parole officer. He says that he had been thinking of me and that he wanted to have lunch with me...I tell him that we can but it has to be close and he has to come quickly because I have to be on my way to work by 130pm...so, he said ok. I had not heard from him at 1pm...so, I called him and said that I had to leave...as I was driving out...we realized he was near me...so, I said hey, let's stop and get some fast food from this Mexican place that I like. He agrees....I made it there first...so, I went into the restaurant and went to the restroom...

When I come out, he has already paid for his meal. So, I order...and then look at him...because surely anyone who invites you to lunch is going to pay right? He never reaches for his pocklet. He instead says, oh, I did not know you were eating and then he makes a bee line to the restroom...so, I angrily pull out my bank card and pay.

This type of stuff always happens to me...ALWAYS....dudes always want to take advantage of me. They want me to sleep with them...they want me to pay for dinner or take care of their needs. I am so aggravated I swear....I am just too too through with it, through with him. The sad part is that it is not so much him but the type of man that he represents. I have come to hate men that clutch their wallets when it is time to pay for dinner or make excuses why they cannot take you out to dinner or take you out anywhere....they would rather be at your place and eat your food and "watch a movie."

This guy is even worse because after hanging out only about two day...his stalker ass left a note on my door about how much he was feeling me and he wanted me to be his girl and he wanted to do this and that for me....but I cannot even get lunch. Isn't that something.

I called my golddigger friend and she told me to drop his ass like a hot potato. Now, I am by no means a golddigger but hell the little things count and if I am not worth a six dollar meal then what does that say about the kind of relationship that we would have? I have had men who I did not really like and they have paid for $150 meals for the two of us...so, he is so off my list...I hate men....I hate him...

Then when I get into work, my boss pissed me off because he had the ordasity to tell me that I have to watch the noon newscast...I was like mutha fucker....if you wouldn't have called me early this morning then maybe I wouldn't have slept through the damn newscast...and plus he cannot tell me what to do on my own damn time...He is all bent out of shape because sweeps starts tomorrow...he just better leave me the hell alone...

Countdown to New York

2006-10-25T20:17:00.000-07:00

Well, next week is the beginning of sweeps. I am sure that I will have a lot to complain about because producers will have their panties in a bunch and my boss will make me want to curse him out. You know, the usual. For those of you who don't know sweeps is a period in television (usually about a month) in which television stations want the highest ratings because at the end of the period, the ratings are tabulated and the stations are ranked....High rankings=station money.

So, it is sure to be quite stressful.

As soon as sweeps are over, I will be taking my first trip to the NYC. Yes, I will be in New York from Dec. 2-Dec 7....then in Georgia for the 7th and 8th...and headed back home on the 9th. I am soooooo excited. This is my first real vacation. Can you believe it. My line sister lives/teaches in New York so I am sure to have a blast catching up with her. I already brought a Broadway ticket, reserved a spot to see 106 and Park and trying to get Regis and Kelly tickets. I am planning my itenarary carefully. I want to see Central Park, the Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, and hold up a sign at the Today Show...the last one may be a little difficult for a Texas girl in New York in December...but I will try.

Life is ok...I went out this past weekend and met a few guys. One of them had the ordasity to tell me that I intimidate him...I was like...um ok....I just asked the idiot the basic questions up front, what do you do? Where do you live? Did you go to school? What are your future goals? I want to know before I waste my time...I know what I want and when the answer to the first question is that you are a musician or that you are working at Best Buy (no offense to those who do) but I know that that is just not what I want or need...I am looking for someone that I can have a serious relationship with and these busters better just step off...I am not trying to wast my time. I would rather be alone....

What else, um, so why come, I volunteered to work Halloween next week...switched days with one of the desk people that has kids...which sounded like a good idea...that is until I realized that my check would be short this pay period because of the days that the period starts and ends on...But, I guess it is cool because my next check will have good overtime...sigh...me and my nice ass...

until later...

I really need a life!!

2006-10-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

The more and more I attempt to go out and have a life, it seems like the less and less of one I have.

My work schedule is really getting to me. I am tired of working nights and weekends and having a schedule that does not go together. I work wed/thurs 2pm-1030pm. Fri 930am-530pm and Sat/Sun 7-3pm...

It makes for a really nonexistent social life. This weekend I went out with my LS and stayed out all Saturday night and came straight in to work. I felt horrible all day at work. But isn't staying out all night on the weekend a part of being 23. Shouldn't I have those stories and enjoy things like that? I just feel like my life is passing me by.

I have been trying to make an effort to go out and have fun...but it is very hard because I always have to choose if I would rather be fully alert at work and be able to do a good job or would I rather party? It is a tough decision. I also feel like that is why I have not met anyone and cannot get over the editor. You know what they say, "In order to get over one man, you gotta' get under another one." Well, I have not been under anyone lately...and it is quite depressing. I want someone to stay up all night talking too...someone to make love too. I want someone who I can spend time with or go on a date with. I do. I miss those things and what is worse is that I don't even have someone that remotely fits in that category.

If I am to be completely honest with myself, I am the lonliest that I have been in a LOOOOONG time. It is so sad. Also, whenever I do meet a guy...it just fizzles out...Like the last couple of guys have just gone away...like we both just stop calling. There is never a clear cut reason why....I was talking to this guy that I have gotten close to the other night and I asked him what was wrong with me....he told me nothing and just to stay positive.

It is getting really hard to stay positive.

The Editor, that damn weekend producer, dreams

2006-10-14T10:19:00.000-07:00

Well, life has been interesting the past week. So, I got a text message from GASP the editor....he said that he was going to call me. I responded back to the text and asked who it was because I do not have his number saved in my phone...he responds back with his name. I was like um ok.

But just like when we were dating...he did not call. It led me to think why did he even bother. Like, why send me the text at all? What was the point? Although, it has been quite some time since we broke up and since I have seen him. My wounds are still so fresh. The sadness that I felt then has not disappeared nor has the hurt. Guys are so damn interesting.

Also, why is it that I hate the weekend producer. She has got to be the most annoying person in the world. This morning on our 9am conference call we did our usual. I gave the overnight incidents, a rundown of what was significant in the newspaper, and then told them what the crews were scheduled to do for the day.

She did her usual...she began asking dumb questions as soon as I was done. Now, one of the stories was in regards to a political candidate that is deceased....so, this heiffer had already asked me to get an interview with our legal expert....then on the call she began asking about other people that might need to be interviewed. Now, I do all of the planning on Fridays, so Saturday morning at 9am is not the time to attempt to add interviews. Plus, I already had two other great interviews set for this story. She tries to do my job, the reporters job, and hers and that will just not work. Ultimately the shaping and molding of the story has to happen with the reporter. It is not something that you need to coach along. These are reporters in a top ten market and they should and are damn well capable of doing their own damn stories without her harassing them or me.

Also, in the meeting on Friday when she began asking some dumb ass question yet again...I noticed that I am not the only one that is aggravated by her...I saw the web producer roll her eyes and walk out. It was a classic moment.

Also, lately I have been having a lot of dreams. I woke up this morning and came out of some really in dept dream. I have yet to figure out why I have been dreaming so much because I never have dreams. Anyways...later...

Working on my day off...

2006-10-02T18:14:00.000-07:00

So, today is Monday and I would normally be at home goofing off...however, I am at work. I got an early call this morning from the station...I looked at the phone and promptly put it down...Then a few minutes later...my pager goes off...I was like damn...what do they want? So, I check my voicemail and there is a message saying that someone called in and that they needed me to come in.

I was like noooo..... I called the desk back and said I would be in LATE....so, I came in about 3:30pm...I really hate working overtime. I should be happy because I get mad pay when I work overtime but....I only get two days a week off and taking away one of them really just pisses me off...It's not so much that I have stuff to do...because usually I do not. It is more so that I put up with so much crap at work that I look forward to those two days off. In fact, I need them. I need them to detox and get away from the madness that is a newsroom.

I always get bullied into working...It is always well, you do not have kids and we all do so you can come in and fill in for the 4am shift or...there is really just no one else to come in so if you don't then who will?...so, I have two choices...I can make up some lame lie and say I can not come in and look like I am not a "team player" or I suck it up and loose my off day and pick up the extra money. I always choose the latter but I do it kicking and screaming. It is hard for me to come in on an off day....so hard...like today I came in in jeans, a tank top, and flip flops...I was being a rebel...like, hell, I am not dressing up too. I mean, you all are lucky to get me in this joint. This is not my scheduled day to work...so, I will damn well wear whatever the hell I please....the assistant news director even made a comment about my dress....I just laughed...she was like, I have never seen you in flip flops and jeans before....lol.

I mean, I work ALL the holidays and weekends and can you believe that they want to take my days off too...this is not slavery man...I work to live but I do not live to work...My goal is to just work for three or so years and move up to work for a network desk...I really want out of the stressful environment that is local news...

My mom and I had an argument this weekend...so, we have not really been talking...she asked me to pay her house phone bill and I would not....this is because I just bought a new $300 cell phone and I paid $200 to get something fixed on my car plus I have to pay rent.

She is always trying to make me feel guilty about not wanting to pay for stuff and I do not feel like I should have too...after all, I got my own damn bills....It is all because she knows how much money I make...I made the bad mistake of telling her what my offer was when I got this new job...Now, I do not mind helping my mom but I already pay her cell phone bill monthly and she never gives me the money back...so, my $90 cell bill is always close to $200 a month because of her and I am always giving her money for gas and stuff...I just think the buck stops here...She needs to manage her money better. My dad and her mess off soooo much money and she wants me to take on her habits...she had the ordasity to ask if she could just write a check from my account. I was like HELL no!

She asks this just after I had to open a new bank account because she was writing checks from my old one without my knowledge...I was like no, I will not give you my new account information...no, not again...

And on top of that a house phone is not essential. She and my dad have cell phones...so, it is not like they would not be able to contact the outside world....so, whatever mama.

Other than that...life is okay...I am about to buy my plane tickets for my first real vacation...I am taking it the first week of December...the first leg will be to NYC to visit my line sister who teaches there...from there I am going to Georgia to see my brother's army graduation ceremony...and from there I am going to visit old college friends in Austin...it should be fun....yayyyy for me.

Like Me?

2006-09-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

So, I have been hanging out with this new guy...I know...sigh...here we go again....I am not going to tell you all that I think he has great potential...because I really do not...he is the manager of a store and just not really the kind of man that I see myself being with in the future.

I just want so much more for myself. Anyways, the funny thing about this guy is that he just got out of a relationship and he must just be used to a relationship because he wants to spend the night every night and hang out all of the time...it just goes on and on...I never thought that I would not like a man who wants to spend time with me but it is kind of annoying....but I think what is more annoying is that I see me in him. In saying that....I wonder if the reason why I can not get and sustain a relationship is because I am too clingy. I see how much this man wanting to be in my presence annoys me and I wonder if that is how men feel about me.

Well, I have just decided to be a lot more hands-off with men if I ever find one I really like...I do not want to be like this guy.

Anywho, things on the work front are going well. I worked an fatal officer shooting last week and kicked ass on hearing it on the scanners, getting crews out in the field quickly, and managing to stay on top of the story itself. I was my proudest because my boss was there to see all of my hard work and dedication to great news coverage and although, emotionally I was a wreck...I kept my composure. My heart went out to the family of this officer because I have a close friend who just joined the police academy and in my mind he could have just as well been the victim.

I focused in on being the backbone of this newsroom at a time when breaking news was meeting me and my coworkers head on and I came out on top.

The news director sent out this note:
"Just a quick note to compliment all of you who were involved in our coverage of the officer shooting. It was a perfect example of what I mean when I talk about winning breaking news, this was a huge story and we jumped on it. The hustle and the determination showed by all of you is why we're NUMBER ONE! From the assignment desk to the crews in the field, from the edit bays to the producer pod, everyone stepped up their game to produce the most comprehensive coverage."

Did you see that part about the assignments desk? That was me...lol.