Sad. Hurt. Confused.

I feel like a bus hit me. I feel sad and it's difficult to eat. I hadn't wanted to put words to my emotions, but, sometimes that's just what one needs to clear their head and begin the healing process. I have dated my boyfriend for a year. It took probably a couple of months for me to let my guard down and open my heart to him and from there the love grew.

I never thought that a year later, I would be sitting here wondering what happened to our relationship. I find myself hoping that he will call, that he will miss me as much as I miss him and wondering if he ever really loved me. My family wasn't his biggest fan, so, there is certainly no sympathy there from them. But, it's most difficult to face the sadness that ensues when you have to pick up the pieces of a relationship lost.

I've had ex-boyfriends call and a few good friends check up on me...but, in the end, the only person that I want to call...to care...has not. We mutually decided to end the relationship...but, it certainly was not my preference. But, he was sure about one thing...that he was unsure about our relationship...so, how does one continue with someone who doesn't see the need to fight...to stick it out. We've had some arguments, had some disagreements, but never anything at this level. Many of my friends have told me that it's early and we may work it out. I'd like to say that I am hopeful that it will, but, I can't sit around waiting and certainly not sit around crying over spilled milk. How did I get here? I'm not sure that I want to feel this pain again or go here again. I am convinced that once you let your guard down, it's almost certain that pain will follow. #thediaryofasadblackwomen following yet another failed relationship.